Dealing with ‘Mommy Issues’

THE TOPIC of daddy issues has been researched to the point that even women with normal daddy-daughter relationships with average conflict blame their patriarchal figure. But little have been said about the problems that are caused by issues between mothers and daughters. According to relationship specialist Dr Sidney McGill, “The relationship between a mother and daughter has an important impact on the relationship with one’s spouse. Attachment Theory states that the quality of our relationship with one or more parents affects the quality of relationship between you and your spouse.” Thus, the type of attachment, whether secure, insecure, or avoidant attachment is learned within the first three to five years of a person’s life. This influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. The mother, being the primary caregiver, is thus a major factor in this behaviour. When a daughter has a secure attachment with her mother she tends to be more satisfied in her relationship. She is able to give support when her partner feels distressed. She also accepts emotional support from her partner when she feels stressed. This fuels a healthy and also transparent relationship between the two.

There are times when the daughter develops more of an anxious relationship with her mother. This insecurity of mind due to the lack of consistency with the mother’s presence, sometimes causes the daughter to be emotionally dependent on partner while, at the same time, find ways to push them away.

There are also the daughters who do not have a close relationship with their mother. They might be present, but they tend to be colder, thus, there is no relationship between them. These later results in the daughter being distant in the relationship. Her sense of independence will be so high that she, at times, will present herself as self-sufficient, and even feel that a partner is not necessary to her well-being, Dr McGill concluded.