Deal­ing with ‘Mommy Is­sues’

Jamaica Gleaner - - SEX & RELATIONSHIPS - Jody-Anne Lawrence Life­style Reporter jody-anne.lawrence@glean­erjm.com

THE TOPIC of daddy is­sues has been re­searched to the point that even women with nor­mal daddy-daugh­ter re­la­tion­ships with av­er­age con­flict blame their pa­tri­ar­chal fig­ure. But lit­tle have been said about the prob­lems that are caused by is­sues be­tween moth­ers and daugh­ters. Ac­cord­ing to re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist Dr Sid­ney McGill, “The re­la­tion­ship be­tween a mother and daugh­ter has an im­por­tant im­pact on the re­la­tion­ship with one’s spouse. At­tach­ment The­ory states that the qual­ity of our re­la­tion­ship with one or more par­ents af­fects the qual­ity of re­la­tion­ship be­tween you and your spouse.” Thus, the type of at­tach­ment, whether se­cure, in­se­cure, or avoidant at­tach­ment is learned within the first three to five years of a per­son’s life. This in­flu­ences how each of us re­acts to our needs and how we go about get­ting them met. The mother, be­ing the pri­mary care­giver, is thus a ma­jor fac­tor in this be­hav­iour. When a daugh­ter has a se­cure at­tach­ment with her mother she tends to be more sat­is­fied in her re­la­tion­ship. She is able to give sup­port when her part­ner feels dis­tressed. She also ac­cepts emo­tional sup­port from her part­ner when she feels stressed. This fu­els a healthy and also trans­par­ent re­la­tion­ship be­tween the two.

There are times when the daugh­ter de­vel­ops more of an anx­ious re­la­tion­ship with her mother. This in­se­cu­rity of mind due to the lack of con­sis­tency with the mother’s pres­ence, some­times causes the daugh­ter to be emo­tion­ally de­pen­dent on part­ner while, at the same time, find ways to push them away.

There are also the daugh­ters who do not have a close re­la­tion­ship with their mother. They might be present, but they tend to be colder, thus, there is no re­la­tion­ship be­tween them. These later re­sults in the daugh­ter be­ing dis­tant in the re­la­tion­ship. Her sense of in­de­pen­dence will be so high that she, at times, will present her­self as self-suf­fi­cient, and even feel that a part­ner is not nec­es­sary to her well-be­ing, Dr McGill con­cluded.

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