DEAR DOC: I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT SEX

QI am a 31-year-old male, and I don’t know much about sex. I do have a loving girlfriend whom I love, but she doesn’t discharge.

I have watched porn films, and notice that very often while the men are having sex with the women, the women appear to be rubbing their pubic hair with their hands.

Why is this? Would it help us?

AWell, I don’t encourage people to watch pornography, especially because they are often so silly! But you may have hit upon something that could help you and your partner. It sounds like she hasn’t been getting enough stimulation from you during intercourse.

Now, the reason why the women in these films rub themselves, it’s not their pubic hair but their clitoris.

This is because it is the most erotic area on the female body with far more sexual nerve-endings than anywhere else. It is the exact equivalent of the man’s penis.

So it would probably help your partner to orgasm if you (or perhaps she) rubbed the clitoral area during sex. Good luck.

Pain, discharge worrying me

QDoctor, I used to have a pretty wild sex life when I was younger. But now that I am a 34-year-old married woman, I don’t do that king of thing anymore.

But recently, I have been experiencing a lot of pain in the lower part of my belly. There has also been a discharge, which seems to be full of pus. Sex with my husband has become very painful, especially when he thrusts deep inside me.

I went to a doctor and she examined me carefully. She told me that it could be something called PID – and she is sending me to a gynaecologist for further tests and treatment.

But what is PID? Could it be related to my previous wild sex life?

APID stands for pelvic inflammatory disease. That means a severe long-term inflammation in the lower part of a woman’s abdomen, around the tubes, ovaries and womb.

Unfortunately, it is pretty common. Symptoms are very much as you describe. They include: Low bellyache – usually both sides. Discharge – sometimes with a foul odour. Pain during intercourse. Abnormal vaginal bleeding – especially after sex. Bad period pain. Sometimes fever. All these symptoms are caused from germs which have got into the woman’s internal organs and caused inflammation. These germs include: Gonococci – the germs of gonorrhoea. Chlamydia. Mycoplasma – a ‘bug’ which has recently come to the fore in Jamaica. Various vaginal germs which have somehow ascended into the interior of a woman’s body. There is no doubt that some of these got in during sex. In your case, maybe they entered your body during your wild years – but there is no way of proving that.

It is also the case that germs sometimes get into the female pelvis during childbirth, or abortion, or even occasionally during insertion of an IUD (coil). However, what is important now is not where it came from, but how to treat it – the quicker the better.

You are doing the right thing by going to a gynaecologist. She will examine you, and (I am sure) take some swabs which she will send to the lab. She may also order a scan (that is, an MRI or a CT), which will give her a clear picture of what is going on in your pelvis.

Once she has established that you really do have PID (and if possible, what the germs are), she will want you to go on a course of antibiotic treatment. You must follow this rigorously, until she says it is OK to stop. She will probably advise you not to have sex until you are cured. A new report from England suggests that in cases like yours, it is also a good idea for the woman’s partner to have a course of antibiotic therapy. I hope your spouse will agree to this.

Worried about anal encounter

QWhen my wife was away on holiday recently, I kind of cheated on her with a semiprofessional woman. We did not have full sex – but there was some ‘petting’ and we finished up with a few minutes of rectal intercourse.

Could I have caught anything from this, Doc?

AYes. That was not a very smart move on your part, especially with the prevalence of HIV.

Admittedly, the risk of HIV is thought to be higher for the person who is on the ‘receiving end’ of rectal sex. But there are a lot of other infections which you may have caught.

If you haven’t already resumed sex with your wife, please don’t do so until a doctor has given you a clean bill of health.

You should find a doctor tomorrow, and have a full examination and tests – including (in my view) a blood test. If any infections are found, you will obviously need treatment.

I guess you should think carefully about why you cheated on your wife. Do the two of you need marriage counselling?

Irregular menses hampering conception

QI am desperate to have a baby, Doc, but my menses are very far apart.

Generally, it is around 35 days from the start of one period to the start of another.

What can I do? Can my husband and I try having sex at any special time?

AI suggest that you have sex around 14 days after your next menses starts.

But it would be much better if you tried to pinpoint your ‘ovulation day’ more scientifically.

Please buy yourself an ovulation kit from a pharmacy near you. Follow the instructions in order to find out exactly when you are ovulating (releasing an egg). On that day, you and your spouse should have sex, preferably twice. I hope you will be lucky.

But if after three months you haven’t succeeded in conceiving, please consult a doctor.

Concerned about bleeding

QI am a 30-year-old woman who has been on the Pill for about six months, but I keep bleeding vaginally for a few days each month, Doc. Help!

ASounds like this brand of Pill may not be quite strong enough for you. Please ask your doctor if she will consider switching you to a slightly more powerful one.

However, you should also ask the doctor to examine you, and also to take a Pap smear if you haven’t had one for a while. That is a good general rule for any woman (particularly one in her 30s) who experiences vaginal bleeding.

Is regular sex dangerous?

QDoc, is it possible for a 38year-old woman to harm herself by regularly having sex — about four times for the week?

ANo, this will do you no harm at all. Carry on.