Help! My husband wants a threesome
Q Dear Doc, I am deeply distressed because my husband wants us to go to bed with his co-worker. She is very attractive, and has no problem with the idea. They are both waiting on my answer. He wants me to watch these sex movies with three or more people, hoping it will convince me. I am very shocked that after 10 years of marriage he is behaving this way. He says he is bored in bed and just wants to spice things up a little. I asked him if he was having a relationship with her and he says no, they just get along well. I am still in shock, and don’t know what to do next. Can you give me some advice?
A So sorry to hear about your distress. The situation you describe is indeed alarming, but is becoming very common these days, especially among middleage couples. This type of liaison can destroy your marriage and put you at risk of sexually transmitted infections. There is also significant risk of emotional/ psychological problems for all involved. Based on the tone of your letter, it seems you have already decided that this is something you do not want, so make this clear to your husband. Perhaps both of you should visit a marriage counsellor who is also a sex therapist; there are many listed in the local yellow pages. Take care.
Boyfriend’s discharge burns like acid
Q Dear Doc, Happy New Year. I am having a serious problem. I have a new boyfriend and every time he discharges in me, it burns like acid. This does not happen when I have sex with other men. I went to my doctor and did a Pap smear and a blood test, and everything came back normal. Can it be that I am allergic to my man’s sperm?
A Best wishes for the new year. Please remember that multiple sex partners increases your risk for cervical cancer, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Your new boyfriend should get a check-up and get tested for possible genital infection, which could be the cause of your symptoms. Vaginal abrasions/cuts, and bruises sustained during rough foreplay or intercourse, can create a burning sensation when it comes in contact with semen.
The fluid that the sperms swim in contains proteins which, in rare cases, can cause an allergic reaction in their partners. This condition is known as human seminal protein hypersensitivity. This problem can develop during your first intercourse after months or years with a particular partner, or with different partners. Women with other hypersensitivity conditions such as eczema/asthma, seem to be more prone to developing this problem. The use of condoms can nullify the issue, otherwise visit a gynaecologist to discuss available treatment options. Good luck.
Is sunscreen bad for you?
Q Dear Doc, I have very fair skin and I have been using sunscreen almost every day. But now I am hearing that they are bad for you, what is your take on this?
A Thank you for your question. There is much debate about this issue, and recent research has shown that the best way to get vitamin D is from safe but adequate sun exposure. This means getting enough sunlight daily to stimulate vitamin D production via the skin, but not getting burnt/blistered. For people who have to spend a lot of time outdoors, applying a thin layer of a sunscreen containing zinc/titanium oxide with a sun-protection factor (more commonly called SPF) between 15 and 30 prevents sun burns, but still allows adequate stimulation of vitamin D production.
Research is showing that prolonged use of sunscreens containing vitamin A or its derivatives as well as sun-blocking chemicals, increases the rate of growth of some types of skin cancers and also causes hormone problems.
How can I get my tattoos removed?
Q Dear Doc, do you know where I can get my tattoos removed? I have an important interview coming up and would like to remove them before the big day. I have them on my arms and neck.
A There are many local dermatologists and plastic surgeons who can remove this for you. However, this procedure will require several treatments and need time to heal. Given your timeline, perhaps wearing long sleeves and a shirt or blouse with a collar, and disguising the tattoos with makeup, is your best option at this time.
Diabetes and treatment for nail fungus
Q Dear Doc, I have been a diabetic for 10 years and I take my medication, hardly missing any. In the last year and a half, I have noticed that the nails of my first and fourth toe were getting dry, cracking and yellow. I went to a doctor, who told me I have a nail fungus and I got a nail solution and some tablets, but they are not working. Someone told me about apple cider vinegar, which I have been using, and it looks a little better. Can you recommend something which will heal this fungus faster, as it is very embarrassing to wear sandals or go barefoot at the beach.
A Nail fungus (onychomycosis) is a serious condition in diabetics as they are at a high risk of other infections in the foot, ulcers, gangrene and amputation. Therefore, the condition must be treated completely as soon as possible. Circulation in the foot is not as good as the hand, so a fungus in the toe nail needs to be treated with oral medication for at least three months. Topical antifungal ointments, creams, or powders can be used daily for maintenance therapy once treatment is complete. This is especially important for diabetics, who are more at risk for infections than individuals without diabetes.
Application of apple cider vinegar to the affected nail twice daily has been shown to heal mild superficial fungal infection of the toenails. However, this is not recommended as the sole therapy in diabetic patients or those with poor circulation in the feet.
In love with best friend’s husband
Q Dear Doc, I need your advice. I am in love with my best friend’s husband and I do not know what to do. I am a single woman in my early 30s, and we have all known each other for around five years. They have no children, and I spend a lot of time at their house having dinner and helping my friend with chores. He is a very kind man, always opening doors for us. They always make me feel welcome. None of my previous boyfriends were as nice as this man. He brings her flowers and little gifts from work, and sometimes I wish I were in her position. When I am home alone, I dream about him making love to me. I do not want to lose my friends, but I cannot hide my feelings for him much longer. What should I do?
A pleasant day to you. There seems to be trouble on the horizon and you could very well lose your friends if your feelings for this man are expressed in any form. Expand your social circle/activities, spend less time at their house, pursue a hobby and perhaps spend some time with your relatives. Your friend’s husband is not the only nice man out there, and by spending time among your single peers, you may eventually meet one who is available. All the best.