DO IT RIGHT!
Discipline is no joking matter
COUNSELLOR LORRAINE Taylor has said that parents are accountable to God for the way they train their children. Pointing to scripture, Taylor said Proverbs 22:6 addresses it: “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they get old, they will not depart from it.”
“If this is not done, according to the psalmist, these same children become arrows in the hand of a mighty man. When they are gone into the world, they are arrows out of the hand. It is too late to direct them. These arrows in the hand often prove arrows in the hearts,” Taylor told Family & Religion.
Addressing children who are left to roam the streets unmonitored, Taylor faults the habit to poor parenting skills.
“Therefore, the onus is on all parents to model Christian behaviour and to school their children in an environment where they can learn self-discipline, courtesy, good manners, as well as self-control.”
Taylor stressed the importance of parents staying in control and being aware of what their children – especially teenagers – are up to. It is for this reason she said that it is important that vigilance be exhibited regarding their activities.
“It is important that parents find time to sit and talk with their children, especially their teenaged children. Parents should talk to them about the things that are current as they relate to the wrong things their children could be exposed to. Good parents will keep abreast of these elements, ”Taylor pointed out.
More important for the counsellor is that parents exhibit exemplary behaviours, noting that they should not teach one thing while doing something else.
Taylor believes that parents should exercise control over more than just the out-of-sight activities of their children, but guidance should extend to their selection of friends, places they visit, and how they dress.
“Children should be encouraged to dress modestly at all times. They should also be encouraged to adhere to rules and regulations at home and other organisations they are linked with. They should be taught how to be respectful and submit to those in authority, also to follow family rules and guidelines,” she said.
REDUCING NEGATIVE INFLUENCES
While parents cannot control every area of their teens’ lives, Taylor said that knowing what the children watched and the type of friends they kept can be used to help reduce some of the negative activities they are exposed to.
Single mothers sometimes blame the deviant behaviour of their teenagers on absentee fathers, but for Taylor, single moms should help their children to be aware of their value, both mentally and physically. She points out that they should try to model the desired behaviour that they want to see in their children.
“With no assistance from a father figure, a single mother will have to take on both roles. Therefore, she must have better control of what is going on at home,” she shared.
Taylor acknowledged that even with the best parenting, some children will still be problematic. As such, she noted that the best way to deal with them is to get to the root cause, which could be biological or environmental.
“When dealing with discipline for such a child, you first need to identify a particular behaviour, or behaviours, and also what causes the child to behave in such a manner. Parents should not let the same behaviour happen over and over without addressing it,” she stressed.
Taylor said that it is important for parents to know their children well so that they can address particular behaviours correctly.
“Discipline should be a family affair and not one parent taking on the role while the other is classified as ‘nice’.”