Tips to save your marriage.
IT SEEMS that marriage scares many persons, partly because it has become fairly common that two persons who are very much in love with each other turn against each other after they walk down the aisle.
Pastor Damian Chambers says that though it is better to remain single if you know that marriage is not something you really want, those who get married can, and should, make it work despite all the negative talk.
“When I was getting married, my wife told me that the night before our wedding she was talking to a lady, someone who she thought would be encouraging her, but the lady said, ‘I sorry fi yuh’. Most persons have a negative view of marriage.”
He said that even among Christians, the divorce rate is alarmingly high partly because people often get married for the wrong reasons.
“Happiness can be found in marriage. Marriage is still God’s way of building families and perpetuating happiness on the Earth. Marriage is the only sexual relationship that God endorses; the only time to be naked and not ashamed is in marriage. All others are counterfeit, and God is going to judge.”
He added: “Many face troubles because they have unrealistic expectations. If you don’t get to the point where you are willing to live with and accept this person for the rest of your life, as is, you are in trouble.”
The Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone, and marriage is highly endorsed, but how do you make it work , especially when all seems hopeless?
Chambers offers a few steps:
PUT GOD FIRST
“If we leave God out of the wedding, how do we expect to keep the marriage going? You have to marry someone who is headed in the same direction as you and serving the same God or else there will be problems. The Bible tells us that ‘beauty is vain, but a woman that worships the Lord, she shall be praised,’” he said.
BUILD ON LOVE
“Don’t get married because you want a visa. Don’t get married because you have been together too long and it will look bad if you separate. Don’t marry because you want to help the person. Don’t marry just because the person is a Christian or because you are both in the Church. Whether you are attracted to the person and love the person is crucial.”
UNDERSTAND NEEDS
The pastor and certified marriage officer said that men interpret love differently from women and what a man appreciates most is that you admire him for his appearance and abilities, while a woman’s emotional security must be kept intact.
“Men love approval, support, and respect. Men appreciate sexual fulfilment, and it is not right for the woman to use it as a weapon. Women appreciate frequent acts of love and affection. She needs emotional security. Women love to be shown appreciation for domestic duties and attractiveness. Relationships take time, and couples must spend time together.”
PROPER CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Chambers added that a marriage will last based not only on how much you love each other, but on how good you are at handling conflict. Listen to each other and focus on the problem and not on the person.
The fifth step that he added was that couples should practise proper financial management.
“It is important that you agree on a method. Declare who should do what and make sure resources are pooled to make it work.”
Finally, he stated that couples should make a daily commitment to the success of their marriage.
“You are not trying things out to see if it will work. You are making a daily commitment to making it work. Infidelity doesn’t begin at once. It starts when home activities become routine and dull, when a man begins to shift his attention from an evening at home to an evening at the shop playing dominos, and when the couple begins to compare their partners to others.”