Mickey Mouse communications
ERNEST HENRY Flower (o/c ‘Haemorrhoid’) was a master communicator. Talking was his game. For him, ‘work’ was a four-letter word. As a young articled clerk, he constantly complained about the “piles and piles” of files on his desk. That earnest (ouch!) mantra, combined with his middle initial, earned him a very visual nickname.
Haemorrhoid was the most friendly, gregarious, affable extrovert you’d ever meet whose congenital laziness was in inverse proportion to his high intellect. He was a storytelling genius who held his audiences hostage with a compelling shaggy-dog-tale technique.
Although a regular at our domino games, he didn’t know dominoes from flamingos (took too much effort to learn, he insisted) hence was restricted to kibitzing. But, whenever boredom threatened, nerves frayed, or he just felt the urge to expound, nothing could stem the flow of his fictional flair.
One particular Saturday, as bad news was relayed from Caymanas Park, Dessie shouted an obscenity at the radio, but the Beast thought it was aimed at his last play. That’s how the fight began.
Haemorrhoid, as he often did, calmed things down with a story about miscommunication at the White House. At the time, Richard Nixon had just resigned and Donald Rumsfeld was President Ford’s new chief of staff (1974-5) and soon-tobe secretary of defence (1975-7), a role he reprised under George W. Bush (2001). Haemorrhoid’s story parodied Rumsfeld, but I’ve taken some liberty with it to transform it into a spoof of today’s president:
“Donald Trump was walking out of the White House and heading towards his limo when a would-be assassin stepped forward and aimed a gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouted, “Mickey Mouse!” This startled and confused the intended assassin just enough to cause his capture. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor took him aside and asked, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replied, “I got nervous. I meant to shout, Donald, duck!’”
I couldn’t help recalling Haemorrhoid’s tale of mediocre communication skills when I learned that Colin Campbell had been appointed People’s National Party (PNP) communications director. According to Nationwide News, “Mr Campbell’s appointment has come as the PNP is moving to better
SAME COLIN CAMPBELL?
Surely this isn’t the same Colin Campbell who resigned as information minister in 2007 in the wake of the Trafigura scandal! Is this the same man who wants to avoid answering questions about Trafigura in public? According to Loop News (June 9):
“... [ PNP] lawyers are challenging, among other things, an order by the Supreme Court that Simpson Miller, who was prime minister at the time, then Minister Phillip Paulwell, former Chairman Robert Pickersgill, former General Secretary Colin Campbell and businessman Norton Hinds must answer questions in open court from Dutch investigators probing a $31-million donation to the PNP in 2006.”
Is the PNP’s new communications director the same Colin Campbell who is fighting to the bitter end to avoid communicating with Jamaicans regarding the Dutch government’s queries on Trafigura? On October 1, 2017, this same Colin Campbell wrote for The Gleaner (‘Answer, Mr PM!’) calling upon Andrew Holness to answer the questions of “the political ombudsman, the contractor general, the NCC, the parliamentary Opposition, civil society, and every single well-thinking Jamaican” on the issue of a $626 million Junction road works contract “in the middle of an election campaign”. Yet, it seems Colin Campbell doesn’t consider himself accountable to the same Jamaicans regarding PNP campaign donations allegedly received from Trafigura.
So, we have a failed information minister who doesn’t want to communicate on Trafigura in charge of PNP communications? DWL!
His job is to “streamline” PNP’s “communications output”, but the opposition leader’s office has a different, eminently qualified communications director (Jenni Campbell), and, at least up to the recent Twitter poll fiasco, his twitter feed was managed by a third officer, chief of staff.
Now THAT’s what I call Mickey Mouse communications!
Peace and love.
‘So, we have a failed information minister who doesn’t want to communicate on Trafigura in charge of PNP communications? DWL!’ streamline its communications output.”