When Christmas is not the happiest time of the year
TOMORROW WILL be Christmas Day, and for many it will mean family dinners, fun and a lot of good cheer. But for others, it is a brutal reminder of their having no one in their lives to share the day, and even if they do it’s a longdistance relationship.
Two years ago, Latoya Bell, author and Christian Life coach, just wanted the season to be over and done with as quickly as possible. Speaking as someone who once dreaded Christmas because of how lonely she felt, she said she can now talk for those who are feeling the same.
“After being married for seven years, my first Christmas being separated was like a nightmare. I was not used to spending Christmas all alone. Thoughts of hopelessness and loneliness flooded my soul. I can truly say it was one of the worst feelings ever, but I now once again look forward to Christmas, and you too can overcome,” she said.
The solution for Bell was changing her mindset about Christmas, seeing it as a season for giving love to the less fortunate and taking the focus from self.
“If you have no friends and family to spend time with during this season, go out and be a blessing to others, volunteer your time or donate gifts to the less fortunate. Things like these will change your picture about Christmas because giving of yourself will leave you feeling blessed,” she told The Gleaner.
Having friends around, according to Bell, won’t necessarily relieve the loneliness, as she said if there isn’t any inner peace about the situation then they will be in no mood to be injected with the Christmas cheer.
Among the triggers to Christmas blues, said Bell, are partner being away, financial challenges, melancholy, etc.
“Personally, my Christmas blues was caused by being separated and then divorced, plus also having financial challenges. Oh, I was not used to cooking a meal and having no significant other to laugh and cuddle with during this festive season. Plus, I was broke. I didn’t even have enough money to have a proper Christmas dinner, nor to buy others or myself a gift on my first Christmas as a newly single woman. I had to embrace the reality of being single and not being able to afford what persons would view as a ‘bashment Christmas’,” she said.
A practical Bell suggests facing the fact that you are alone and broke to boot, and not reflect too much on what’s missing.
The solution for her was getting dressed and hanging out with friends, she said, adding that there first must be a desire to want to get over the blues.
The next step, she said, is realising that you are blessed regardless of your situation. The third stage is to embrace the great possibilities of your next Christmas being better, dwell on the positive, the things that are going good in your life, and choose not to feel sorry for yourself.