Maybe she’s good at filing … and sumting else

IN Ramharrack REPORTING ‘sweetheart on the deal’, Stormy I wish reporters did candid followups. Remember when TVJ reported on diehard Anju ‘Oliness supporters outside Parliament in April 2016? The issue of the day was whether his “1.5” plan would work. They delivered pure gold.

The first woman:

“Mi know him [Anju] a go deliver. Yuh know why? Mi mek up mi mind to mek a sacrifice fi sell my father land and help him. Sell my son goat... Sell my grandpickney dem. Sell myself! Because him haffi come true wid it.” Then another, a towering one with a wig:

“I am on the road before now ... selling my baddy. And I don’t like it. And I vote in Anju ‘Oliness and I glad seh Anju ‘Oliness come in play. So I want him come pon de road come interview the girls dem on de road becaz majority of dem come from West Kingston, Rema, and Denham Town. Is fi him people dem. I am so qualified dat I can do filing. Yeah! And sumting else ... . ”

I know, right? You can’t make this ish up.

So I want to talk about the elemental innocence of that prostitute, and the purity of the one who would sacrifice her goat, her grandpickneys, and then herself. How do we square their credulity against PetroScam’s muck? Is it right to ask the question?

The Gleaner’s Friday editorial acknowledged hopefulness excited by Fayval Williams’s appointment to the energy ministry. I agree. She must be able to do a better job than Wakanda or ‘Olness.

Well, the editorial also had an interesting observation about the merry-go-round of permanent secretaries:

“It is probably an attempt to push this issue as far as possible from Mr Holness that Permanent Secretary Sancia Bennett Templer, who gave stumbling explanations about the matter to parliamentary committees, has been shunted from the Office of the Prime Minister…”

The words “attempt to push this issue as far as possible from Mr Holness” made me gasp. For Mr Holness, who against advice pulled the energy ministry under his umbrella, now pushes it off while it’s worse on fire. In fact, one could legitimately say that the PM fired himself as minister because of the latest round of fiascos. Equally, moving Fayval into position means that he can fire the “new” board without having to sound even more like bredda Trump: “You’re FIRED!” WERK WERK WERK WERK WERK

We now know that Stormy Ramharrack had a 47-per cent employee rating before being paid a million as a “performance bonus”, raising some cute issues.

Could this be one of those situations where an employee is hired for one position officially, but unofficially, is doing the werk of different positions? Suppose it is in these other positions that the employee is really performing well? Werk werk werk werk werk…

So the fact that 47-per cent Stormy was paid for great werk is what the philosophers would call an “apparent”, but not a “real” contradiction. It may just mean she’s good at filing … and sumting else. That’s why, says this theory, she didn’t so much “resign” as get a golden pat on the back for a job well done.

Then the PM defends the golden parachute by pointing to a “cost-benefit analysis”. He says it would have cost about $35 million to fire her.

I believe that figure is a gross exaggeration to cloak poor decisions, but put that one side. Regardless, it raises the question of what the PM intends to do about a system so rigid that an employee with 19 charges of serious misconduct is so costly to dislodge.

But let’s talk about the ‘benefit’ side of the equation. How much of a benefit does the PM reckon it would have been if the country could have seen this process play out transparently, and if the disciplinary process hadn’t been hijacked? What’s that price?

Weigh it up. Disciplinary process: $35 million vs Public trust and PM’s credibility: Priceless.

Remember the PM’s words in June 2018? He told us of a late-night Cabinet meeting where it was decided:

“… to address the identified weaknesses in the governance and management of the entity and ensure that government policy and systems of accountability are implemented … A part of the campaign against corruption is not so much to be talking about it, but governments must genuinely not stand in the way of the independent authorities to investigate and find it out.”

MANY QUESTIONS REMAIN

Now the most basic “system of accountability” and the first “independent authority” that Stormy was to face is the Disciplinary Committee. Yet, within months of the PM giving his solemn word, he now says that it was too costly for that process to occur. But not too costly to pad Stormy’s pockets with a fat postresignation payout!

Many questions remain. Did the responsible minister (the PM) know about this settlement? Know about the non-disclosure agreement? Agree to those things? Was his board communicating with him?

This was already a controversial matter, so even the innocent true believers who would sell their goats and baddies for the PM would think that Mr Hoo must have spoken to his minister.

Still, assuming he knew nothing about it, the PM must be livid! And I’m talkin’ Bounty Killa type “Crawsssse, Hangry,

Mizzerebbble!!!” that the board could have taken such a crucial decision running directly counter to express, publicly issued directives.

Butt! And there is a Sir Mixalot ‘big but’ in the middle of this: if the PM knew about the settlement and NDA and signed off on it, then no amount of reassignations of ministers and permanent secretaries could remove that from the file.

And I want to hear from that bewigged lady if she ever got paid that well for her filing … and sumting else.