TRUST YOUR GUT
Counsellor urges parents to look out for warning signs in children
‘Children spend a significant amount of time at school and are exposed to many things that can negatively affect them emotionally.’
Hold on, if you feel like letting go, Hold on, it gets better than you know. Don’t stop looking, you’re one step closer, Don’t stop searching, it’s not over. – Hold On – Good Charlotte
THE WORLD responds with shock when children commit suicide or do harmful things to themselves. The number-one question on everyone’s mind becomes, how we could have missed the signs? It is also unimaginable for some that a child could actually be faced with depression.
For insight into children dealing with this issue, Family and Religion reached out to Dr Patrece Charles, CEO of the Phoenix Counseling Centre, who pointed out that for a parents, the thought that their child could consider suicide can be terrifying, especially if they thought that they had been giving all the support their child could possibly need.
“Suicidal behaviour in children is complicated. It can be impulsive and associated with feelings of confusion, sadness, or anger.
“The red flags that we are cautioned to look for can be just as subtle in young children. While a young adult might say something like, ‘You’ll be better off when I’m gone,’ for example, a child might say some something like, ‘No one cares if I’m here,’ Charles shared”.
She said that learning the potential red flags will play a crucial role in allowing parental intervention to take place in a timely and effective manner.
Charles encouraged parents to “trust their gut”, especially when they notice behavioural changes that are not a one-time issue. The advice is for them to take note.
She said that although suicidal behaviour is often associated with symptoms of depression, signs that can be exhibited include changes in sleeping habits (too much, too little, insomnia, or night wakings); changes in eating habits (overeating or eating too little); withdrawal from family and friends (social isolation) and psychosomatic symptoms: headaches, stomach aches, and other aches and pains that cannot be explained, among others.
“Children spend a significant amount of time at school and are exposed to many things that can negatively affect them emotionally. It’s perfectly normal for children to experience ups and downs during the learning process, but a pattern of negative change can be a red flag that your child needs help,” Charles cautioned.
Red flags that could indicate to parents that all is not well at school include a drop in academic performance, decreased interaction with teachers and other kids at school, a lack of interest in school, refusal to go to school, and a loss of interest in normal daily
activities (playing, sports, extracurricular activities).
Parents should take all suicidal statements seriously by seeking evaluation for their child, warned Charles, who added that children who have suicidal thoughts might communicate feelings of hopelessness for the future. She shared that they might also make statements about helplessness, noting that these kinds of statements indicate that the child feels as if there is nothing to be done to improve their outcome and that they believe that no one can help them. There are some no-nos when dealing with children in these situations, and Charles highlighted that parents should never ask specific questions about suicidal thoughts, for example, “Are you thinking about hurting or killing yourself?”
Charles said that it is essential to seek an evaluation by a licensed mental-health practitioner who specialises in working with children if the parent suspects that they might be dealing with depression.
“If you’re not sure where to access help, schedule an immediate appointment with your child’s paediatrician and indicate that you have concerns about your child’s mental health and potentially suicidal behaviour,” she said.
With proper support in place, children can work through the feelings and triggers that result in suicidal thinking and learn effective coping skills to deal with difficult life situations.
Charles said it is important for parents to focus on listening to and not lecturing their children. They should also resist any urge to criticise or pass judgment once their child begins to talk as the main goal is to keep the communication line open.
“Parents should also be gentle but persistent. Don’t give up if your child shuts you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for children. Even if they want to, they may have a hard time expressing what they’re feeling. Be respectful of your child’s comfort level while still emphasising your concern and willingness to listen,” she said.