Lovemaking after giving birth
AS QUOTED in the
Outlook by gynaecologist Theophillus Nelson, “Sex is pretty safe to be had during pregnancy. But patients with certain conditions, such as cervical incompetence of low-lying placenta, are implored to be careful during sex.”
The article stated, “Sex is not associated with adverse effects on the baby. Most vaginas are able to accommodate penises of all sizes. Beyond the vagina is the cervix, which can range from 3cm to 5cm long. Then there is the amniotic sac and fluid, then finally the baby. Therefore, babies are pretty safe from interruption.”
Many persons complain about finding a comfortable position for having sexual intercourse while pregnant. However, after they learn what works best for their new body, everything is fine. Or so they think. With one hurdle down, they approach the challenge of making love after birth.
“Will my love life be the same after having a baby?” That’s a question many mothers-to-be struggle with. And no one can better answer this than those who’ve been through the process. The fact is, after a long nine months of pregnancy with a number of changes and new mommy duties, being intimate with your partner may not be on top of your to-do list. Tamika Harris*, Karla Brown*, and Raina Bramwell* shared their experiences with Flair.
It’s recommended to wait six weeks after delivering a baby to reignite the sexual flames. But not all find it a hard-and-fast rule, like Tamika, who waited two and a half months.
“When I did it the first time after giving birth, I was a nervous wreck. Most of my fear stemmed from the fact that I got stitches and I was told that it would hurt or even feel like my first time having sex. I was not looking forward to it. My doctor told me to ‘lube’ up, which got me sweating. I was like ‘This sounds serious!’ In the end, it wasn’t bad at all and
went way better than I thought. I felt more pleasure than pain.”
Karla had a similar experience. Even though her son was born in February, she was not able to jump back in the saddle until three months after. The mere thought of labour pains and the scars that remained kept her away. However, Raina, a mother of two, was a little different. She approached it without distress. “With my first child, it was six weeks, but I couldn’t wait that long after my second child. We waited for only four weeks. Still, the first time, it was new and painful – to be diplomatic. It was as if I were having sex for the first time all over again, with much more pain. I had an episiotomy and hadn’t fully recovered. I found that out the hard way,” she said.
IT’S A DIFFERENT VAGINA
Like many others, Karla feared that sex would never be the same. And her experience confirmed her fears, becoming a psychological menace. “My body wasn’t the same and I knew my husband was aware. That’s when I became very self-conscious about our intimacy. I’ll tell you this, your vagina will not be the same.”
She continued: “But you can still have the pleasure you want after figuring out what works best for you. Your hormones, body, and emotions change. So, sex may not be like what it was before. For example, the breasts were always my ‘G spot’, but after breastfeeding, I honestly did not want my husband to touch them. You may become very dry and have to use lubricants or more foreplay. You may flow like Dunn’s River Falls. When you have a child, there are so many new things you will learn about yourself. Plus, there are exercises that can be done, like kegels, to help strengthen your pelvis, if you’re that worried.”
Tamika agrees. “It’s not the same. Mine got even better. However, I was told before that for some, it gets worse. Some females really do experience more pain than usual during sex.” Raina was unbothered. Simple exercises like kegels was all she needed to snap back to the usual state, or make it even tighter.
*Name changed upon request.