Survivor story
FOR TWO decades, I endured verbal, physical, sexual, financial, and emotional abuse at the hands of my ex-husband with whom I have five children.
I remained with him as I had no place to go and was unemployed at the time. He used his status as breadwinner as leverage over me, and even to the extent where whenever we had an argument he would withhold money from the children, which prevented them from attending school.
I escaped death on a number of occasions. In one incident he physically and verbally abused me to the point where I ended up having a panic attack. In that moment I felt like I was going to die and leave my children. I was taken to the hospital where I was put under observation as my blood pressure had gone up really high as a result.
In another incident, I was beaten right in front of our children, whose ages at the time ranged from one to 11 years old. This incident happened while we were separated and he was living with his outside child’s mother, but that didn’t stop him from coming to the home and abusing me. He strangled me until I wet (peed) myself. The police were called and I was taken to the doctor, who explained that the reason I wet myself was because I wasn’t getting enough oxygen and that I could have died.
CHARGES FILED
The last incident took place on the road close to where I lived after we divorced. He attacked me and beat me so badly that I would not be here today to tell my story were it not for my son who intervened. The police were called again and we were both taken to the station, where he made a report against our son and wanted him arrested and charged because he had flung a stone at him, which caught him; just to get him to stop hitting me. He also instructed the police officer to file charges against me as he was injured in the process of beating me.
By this point, when my children were more grown up, I finally began to see that the abuse was also hurting my children. I felt disappointed and ashamed and wanted to take my own life. So the next day after the last incident I went to speak to a lawyer, who referred me to Woman Incorporated. I got in touch with them the same day, which happened to be on the day a march was scheduled about violence against women, and after that first encounter, even with my face badly battered from the beating, I felt empowered, and this gave me more courage to escape.
At Woman Incorporated/ Crisis Centre I met my counsellor, who brought me to a point where I was strong enough to pursue the matter in court. I was able to take the necessary steps to protect myself and my children. In the ensuing court battle which lasted for two years, I came out victorious as the court extended the restraining order and he was ordered to pay maintenance for the minor children. I was also granted an occupational order, which has allowed me and the children to remain living at our current residence unhindered.
I still don’t trust him but I no longer fear him.
I appreciate all that Woman Inc/Crisis Centre did for me as without them I would not be free from this man. The counselling and social support was what kept me on course throughout the court process.