SEXUALLY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR
Dear Counsellor:
Q:I am 16 years old, and recently I saw a video that was going around on social media, in which a young girl was seen kissing a young man in what looked like a car park or bus stop. Apparently, her father or some male relative came upon the two kissing and then proceeded to beat the young lady with a belt. I also realised that the young man ran away. At my school, I have seen students kissing and fondling each other in public places. I usually say to them that it is inappropriate, but the common response is “Yuh chat too much” or “Yuh too fass.” Some people have even been cruel and called me derogatory names. Am I wrong? Should I just turn a blind eye like others have done? R.S.
Dear R.S.,
A:I appreciate your questions. The fact that the event you describe is viral speaks to several issues. I must first say that I do not condone the use of physical methods to discipline a child or children. There are so many other options available to parents/guardians in order that their children behave as expected. The video of which you speak does not state the age of the child; however, the parent’s response indicates frustration, fear and/or poor parenting strategies. The child has rights under the law, and the physical abuse meted out was not the most appropriate disciplinary action.
As it relates to the act of kissing, the young lady seemed to be in a uniform. Therefore, she is of school age, and some school of thought says that she ought to have some modicum of respect for herself and the school she is representing.
Public display of emotions these days among the youth seems to be on the rise; and there is a grey area where the appropriateness of the sexual behaviour is concerned. In our society, R.S., any display of sexual behaviour exhibited by children in or out of uniform is frowned upon. It is not accepted because public display of any sexual nature is ‘big people things’! Would the public outcry be different had they not been in uniform? This certainly depends on the individuals concerned (age, social upbringing), their values, what guides them morally, parental influence, just to identify a few factors.
As a counsellor, my responsibility to any young person is to educate, clarify and increase awareness as to the consequences (good or bad) associated with the choices made. All parties involved would need guidance and education on how to behave and/or respond to the particular situation identified. The young people will need to look at the implications of their choice and re-evaluate their actions. They may need an open discussion on sex and sexual behaviour, and the implications and consequences of their behaviour. Obviously, the father was not in approval of his child’s action. However, parenting training sessions and strategies for him would be strongly suggested.
In your case, R.S., as far as sharing your sound views with your peers, you may do so through a recognised body, for example, a peer counselling group, so that you are not alone and that the shared responsibility of others of the same view will reduce the likelihood of you being hurt or disrespected. I must commend you on the stance you have taken – that of recognising the significance of the sexual behaviour and the resulting effects that may occur. Turning a blind eye will not help to change or monitor or improve behaviour. Expressing care and concern for others is lacking in our society. I would suggest that you do so carefully, so that no harm is done to others or to yourself, while you attempt to influence the behaviour expected.
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
The young man ran away when the young lady was being beaten. What does this say of him? Was he too scared to stand and defend his ‘friend’? Why did he not stand his ground and address the father as a caring and significant other? Why did the father react in this manner? Are these two young people ready to take on the responsibilities that accompany this behaviour? These are questions for both the young lady and the young man to ponder, and it is my hope, R.S., that you and others will give serious thought to the responses before you act. Lastly, R.S., there is a time and place for everything under the sun. Delaying sexual acts will give young persons more time to get to know each other, to understand themselves, and how to conduct themselves in a more socially acceptable manner. To show care for someone does not have to be sexual in nature. Holding hands, walking together, carrying a girl’s book bag, giving flowers, movie dates with a group of friends, studying or discussing assignments and school projects, volunteering in the community, participating in school and/or community projects and co-curricular activities are just a few of the non-sexual ways to build relationships with little or no risks of inappropriateness … and I can guarantee that you can identify so many more non-sexual activities than I can! Best wishes.