Deepening our longing for God
“Late have I loved You, Beauty so ancient and so new, late have I loved You!
Lo, You were within, but I outside, seeking there for You,
and upon the shapely things You have made
I rushed headlong – I, misshapen.
You were with me, but I was not with You.
They held me back far from You, those things which would have no being, were they not in You.
You called, shouted, broke through my deafness;
You flared, blazed, banished my blindness;
You lavished Your fragrance, I gasped; and now I pant for You;
I tasted You, and now I hunger and thirst;
You touched me, and I burnt for Your peace.”
St Augustine, in his Confessions (Book 10, 27.38), expressed a profound mystery of human longing for God. If we are honest with ourselves, we would agree that we do not possess such profundity in our longing for God. But the truth is, we seldom reflect upon that deeper spiritual hunger for God. Living a fast-paced, turbocharged, ‘go-get-them’ life does not allow us time for self-reflection; it does not entertain a search for profundity in that self-reflection. The consumerist world ever consumes us. We live an entirely spent life; we do not enjoy living purposefully anymore. We do not enjoy social interactions any more in a personal, self-revelatory way, but hide behind filters made by Snapchat and Instagram. We do not anymore express how we feel, but mask our true feelings with lifeless emojis. Hiding behind the busyness of our business, we fail to enter into a genuine relationship with our spouse and children, and with our God.
Tuning in to so many new social means of communication, we fail to understand that we have not deepened our relationship with God or to our neighbour in any meaningful way. I do not imply that we have become godless, irreligious, or unspiritual. On the contrary, in the words of the Scripture, we look for God in the earthquake, in the tempest and the rumblings of the heavens. Should we not look for the gentle whispering of God’s message of love in the brokenness and vulnerability of one another? And so, it is not unlikely that God, having called for our attention gently and when it went unnoticed, resorted to shouts that broke through our deafness.
The coronavirus-induced self-isolation and quarantine, and the lockdowns, have their negative impacts upon our society financially, emotionally, physically and politically. However, they must also become moments
of God shouting through our deafness, calling for His children to pay attention to His gentle whispers through the vulnerable ones in our midst. It must teach us a sense of gratitude for all the simple things in life that we took for granted all along: the curfew and lockdowns must make us appreciate our ability to move, day or night, freely. The frenzy of hoarding by the few as the curfew hit must show us a valuable lesson on the real purchasing power of money, for even with whatever money we have, we struggle to get the essentials at a reasonable price. The ugly side of human nature manifests itself as some hoarded more than they needed, while others go in want. But everyone must ultimately share in the virus-induced loneliness. With it begins our self-reflection upon the mystery of our existence, and our frailty without the protective hand of the Maker.
Can we then share in the sentiments of St Augustine and say, “Late have I loved You, Beauty so ancient and so new, late have I loved You?” Can we then resolve to enter into an intentional relationship with our God, even as He comes to us through our vulnerable brothers and sisters in our midst? The current COVID crisis provides the opportunity to deepen our self-reflection and spiritual growth. Quarantine takes away the excuse of busyness we used to hide away from real relationship; now it can become the opportunity for family bonding and relationship building. Social distancing allows us to appreciate camaraderie among our friends and associates; it provides a chance to care for one another, even as we reach out to one another through telephone and other social media. May it also grant us the opportunity to draw closer to the Maker as He becomes the source of our strength and support through this pandemic crisis.