Role of men in the ABORTION DEBATE

RECENTLY, I was invited to take part in a discussion on abortion, with the theme being ‘Abortion: Church vs Science’. I consented, and after confirming the date and time of the virtual event, asked who else would be involved in the conversation, and was told that Bishop Reverend Dr Alvin Bailey would be present. Later that day, the flyer was sent to me, with the photographs of Reverend Bailey and myself prominently displayed. I was pleased to see that the event was being promoted, but it occurred to me that abortion is a women’s health and rights issue, yet the discussion involved two men.

I was not the only one who noticed. A female friend of mine called me and asked why the discussion involved only men, and if the organisers could not have found women versed in science and religion to speak on the topic. Women on my social media pages expressed their disapproval as well. One commented, “Two men discussing abortion … wonder which one a oonu ever breed yet?” Another wrote, “Things like this make my blood boil. Manels (panels consisting of men only). Manels that are speaking on women’s issues and there are NO WOMEN ON THE PANEL. COME ON!! Fix it!!! Where are the WOMEN?!” Another, after expressing her disapproval, ended her remarks with the statement, “Ugh why don’t they just stfu. (Shut the f*** up)?”

I understand the annoyance expressed by these women. They live in a patriarchal world where men are constantly policing their bodies and telling them what to do, and they are tired of it. I recall watching a news report a few years ago regarding the reviewing of an abortion law in America, and the footage showed a group of men sitting at a table discussing it. Not a single woman was present.

However, I also understand the organisers of the event I was invited to participate in. I was contacted because I am an obstetrician and gynaecologist who is stridently pro-choice, and having become a public figure over the years, I have a platform and a voice and am willing to use them. Reverend Bailey is clergy and is also very outspoken with his anti-abortion views. We are both passionate and unrepentant with our opinions and are at opposite ends of the spectrum, and our personalities would set the stage for a lively debate. Also, the organisers explained that this is the first in a series of presentations and that women would be involved at the next event.

SHOULD MEN KEEP OUT OF IT?

All this hoopla begs the question: Do men have a role in the abortion debate? Being a women’s issue, should men just, well, ‘stfu’? I understand the view that this is a women’s thing and that men should keep out of it, but I disagree.

First, I believe in free speech and freedom of expression. Men have a right to their views and to express them. Second, even though I support the right of a woman to make informed decisions about the fate of her body, pregnancy usually results from intercourse with a man (a minority occur with the help of assisted reproductive techniques). I do not believe a man has a right to dictate to a woman what she should allow to happen to her body, but it would be unreasonable to demand that he keeps silent, especially if he is traumatised by his potential offspring being terminated. (Yes, abortion can traumatise men, too).

Abortions occur when women have unplanned and unwanted pregnancies. If we want to reduce the likelihood of women being in positions to make this often uncomfortable decision, we must not only look at the sexual behaviour of women, but also that of boys and men. For example, rape, which can result in unwanted pregnancy, is a result of aberrant male behaviour. And there are many other ways men contribute to unwanted pregnancies that end up being aborted, such as by refusing to wear condoms, taking off condoms during intercourse without informing their partners, deliberately ejaculating inside their partner after agreeing not to, and forbidding them from using contraception.

In most heterosexual relationships, the balance of power lies in the direction of the man, who often is in a better position financially and is likely to be physically stronger. Many men believe their partners are their property, a belief bolstered by culture and religion, and countless women in established relationships conceive after being coerced into having sex when they were unwilling, after relenting for fear of the financial, social or physical consequences of not complying with their partner’s wishes.

MEN AS ALLIES

It is an inconvenient truth that women who are pro-choice need men as allies if they seek to address our antiquated abortion laws. After all, it was men who made these rules, and as it is mainly men who hold the reins of power in our legislative machinery, they will have to play a role in amending them. When men make insensitive, judgemental, and ignorant statements about abortion and the women who have them, women need other men to call them out. They need those of us who are more informed, to explain concepts such as consent, male privilege, toxic masculinity, and female autonomy to our less enlightened brothers. It is unfortunate but true that men such as these are much more likely to listen to other men, than they are to listen to women.

It would be in the best interest of women for them not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Not all men are misogynistic, patriarchal, mansplaining chauvinists. Many of us love and empathise with women, and are willing to stand and fight with them.