Language and logic assaulted!
IFIRST met Gene Autry 60 years ago at Musgrave Prep, that iconic educational establishment on Marescaux Road. We were less than ten years old. He had no brother (did end up with a much younger brother several years later) and mine was five years older than I (a lifetime at that age), so we made an unspoken pact to become brothers.
We attended the same secondary school, then entered the same profession through different doors. We were inseparable until marriage since when, although we remain in touch and sporadically played dominoes and bridge (which is where he earned the nickname that became famous) before he allegedly retired; family obligations forced us to lead separate lives.
Gene was and is brilliant. When we wanted to go to Campion College, we had to take a ‘special’ entrance exam because it was a ‘private’ school. Only three scholarships were offered and Gene won the third on merit, but it was given to the fourth-place finisher because Gene was slightly below eligibility age. Still, we travelled through Campion together, where, but for a minor blip circa third form, he was always in the top three.
We played dominoes and bridge as partners. His sport was anything with a racquet, but he excelled at badminton. I played cricket and table tennis. When I started at table tennis, he used to embarrass me by spotting me 15 points (21 points in a game then) and beating me. By the time I went away to law school, I was beating him.
When we graduated from Campion he went straight into law via the old ‘Article’ system. By the time I’d mucked around trying to become a doctor; detoured in the working world; then decided to try law, the UWI faculty was available and I was miraculously accepted. While I was away in Barbados, he filled in as surrogate grandson/caretaker for my quirky grandfather, Lionel ‘Belladonna’ Hall. On my return, we continued to play dominoes and bridge as often as we could.
Gene has always been a stickler for the English language. It’s partly what makes him a high-quality lawyer. Trust me, if you can master language and logic, you’re a lawyer. Everything else can be found in a library. Gene is superb at both.
NOBODY CAN MAKE THESE THINGS UP
So, whenever I hear some of the awkward attacks on the language by modern media practitioners, I channel Gene and wistfully long for the‘good old days’when smooth operators like Erica Allen, Dennis Hall and Winston Williams were the norm.
For example, this from TVJ News (January 28, 2020):
“We’ll have much more stories after the break.”
Or the recently heard but similarly inelegant “Too much people were ….”.
Sigh. See what’s wrong with our education-by-rote system? I’ll bet all of these gaffe-prone writers, editors and announcers passed innumerable ‘exams’.
Whenever I hear these linguistic affronts, I feel like a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder “Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!” And I miss Dorraine more.
The pandemic has presented opportunities for many to so propagate outlandish oxymorons and terrible tautologies that I’m tempted to simply surrender to the darkness. For example, take “you are advised to go into self isolation”. Far away. Please. ‘Sascrise, who else would you be isolating? I can tolerate ‘isolate yourself’ (barely). Why are we asked to practice the oxymoron ‘social distance’when what they really want us to practice is ‘physical distance’?
And why in the name of Alfred E. Neuman do people insist on offering ‘sincere condolences’? Are condolences usually insincere?
Language atrocities aren’t the sole purview of Jamaican media. The crème de la crème came during a January 26, 2020 report by ABC news on the tragic helicopter crash that killed nine, including basketball legend Kobe Bryant. The following gem was delivered: “All the survivors on board were determined to have perished.”
I swear to God. NOBODY can make these things up. I suppose this determination was made after detailed investigation, including questioning the ‘survivors’ like a redneck Deputy Sheriff from a small town in Georgia might do at the scene of a horrific accident involving a busload of congregants from a Black church before burying all, including those claiming to be alive.
Peace and Love!