How to exercise resilience in stressful moments
YOU ARE a bit worried at the job. Why? You remember when it was easy to bounce back from disappointments, but lately, your old tricks no longer seem to work.
It could be a problem with your boss, a dip in performance or even the pressures of inflation. These things should come and go, but sometimes they linger. At times, stressful feelings even spread to your teammates.
In this article, we’ll explore a resilient way to manage your frame of mind regardless of the business challenges you are facing. Thankfully, there is a striking new point of view emerging that we can borrow, but we need to think differently in order to implement it for daily use. The radical idea? As author Byron Katie succinctly puts it, “When you are perfectly clear, what is, is the same as what you want.”
At first, this may sound like a description of someone who has everything, but it’s not. Here are three steps to reach a fresh state of clarity and acceptance.
1. NOTICING WHAT YOU HAVE - WHERE THE EXPERIMENT BEGINS
As I mentioned in my January 21 column, you are probably either sitting, standing, or lying down as you read these words. Without changing positions, notice where you can feel the pressure of gravity on your body.
Next, focus on registering the ambient temperature on your skin, the sensation of clothes on your back, and the feeling of your shoes on your feet (or the lack thereof).
Then, notice the screen or paper you are reading these words from.
Unquestionably, these are facts. Given their fixed nature, let’s denote these elements as part of an experience you are momentarily “Having”.
Now, apply the same concept to other intangibles such as the thoughts passing through your mind. Then pick up on your internal emotions or feelings as they relate to key relationships in the workplace and company culture.
These are all factual elements - things that add up to a pile of stuff you are “having”.
ONE-BY-ONE WANTING
Repeat the above exercise, but after each item, pause. Then immediately, shift to a place where you “want” it.
So, for example, you are “having” this article as you read it. Pause, then start “wanting” it.
Try this for each element by “having, then wanting” every one. You may notice that the exercise has a calming effect.
Or not. To illustrate, if the newspaper you are reading is damp, notice where it’s impossible for you to want a wet Gleaner.
But don’t stop the experiment. Instead, switch to seeing your “not wanting a wet Gleaner” as an added factual element.
Ready for some jiu-jitsu? Shift to wanting this rejection also and all the emotions attached to it.
THE TRUE TEST
While this practice may add to your peace of mind, it’s easy to do when you are not under duress. When an outrageous electricity bill shows up, it’s much more difficult.
Therefore, I recommend practicing “having-then-wanting” when you are not stressed, as if you were preparing for your own personal Olympics.
Do so enough, and when the next stressful moment arrives, you may find that you have a positive alternative.
This isn’t easy. In tense moments, unwanted thoughts invade our mind, followed by negative feelings and bodily sensations. Our inner state is ignored.
However, the stronger we get at “having-then-wanting”, the quicker we can restore our peace of mind. We may even reach a place where the most upsetting events only throw us off-kilter for a few moments at a time.
As a manager, you should already have witnessed times when an emergency forces the entire leadership team off balance. In the rush to respond, mistakes are made, especially if the challenge is in the public domain.
The mistake teams often make is to deny factual reality - the opposite of our first step above.
In these heightened circumstances, when egos are highly engaged, terrible consequences can be triggered. For example, former United States President Donald Trump continually tries to negate the facts around the January 6 insurrection in spite of eyewitness testimony and videos.
To use our language, he’s not “having” it.
In like manner, when your team negates “having-then-wanting”, it blocks the way to creative problem-solving.
The key to escaping this trap is for your colleagues to practise “having-then-wanting” when there is peace and calm. With conscious effort, you’ll be developing new muscles and discovering your inner strength before disasters strike. Moreover, this approach can prevent C-Suite members from succumbing to panic mode when the company faces a crisis.
Most importantly, you and your team will be resilient in times of calamity and be far less reactive. You’ll recover quickly and not get stuck in negativity.
Francis Wade is the author of Perfect Time-Based Productivity, a keynote speaker and a management consultant. To search his prior columns on productivity, strategy, engagement and business processes, send email to columns@fwconsulting.com.