It’s pop quiz time
“TAKE OUT a half sheet a paper!” Those dreaded words, delivered in a thick New York accent, were my Campion physics teacher’s (the brilliant Fr. Alfred O. Winshman) regular opening when he planned a pop quiz. He had the knack of predicting when we’d be unprepared.
So, take out a half sheet a paper, domino quiz coming at you right now!
Your hand is six-four; six-three; six-ace; five-ace; trey-deuce; theyace; double-blank. Playing Gene Autry’s Rules (holder of double-six poses) partner poses double-trey. Why? What do you expect left hand opponent (LHO) to play? Why? Answers at the end. No peeking!
Speaking of pop quizzes, there’s the small matter of imminent Local Government Elections (LGEs). Political chests are battered everywhere as sycophants predict their party will win. So maybe we should try answering the question “Win what?”
What exactly is “Local Government”?
Parish Councils (oops, sorry, ‘Municipal Corporations”) are officially “responsible” for “local” matters including parish council roads; Public Markets, Fire Services; abattoirs, building regulations; public beaches; street lighting; sanitation. Allegedly, Property Taxes are funding these services.
So, you’d be excused for believing local authorities had autonomy to spend these taxes on “local” responsibilities. So why does it seem that “local” Councils are controlled by central government through a cabinet ministry incongruously named Ministry of Local Government? “Wok the heck”asked the Chinese Food Chef? Is it “local” or “central”?
So, gradually, over 60 years, Councillors have become de facto representatives of MPs instead of divisions while MPs have become representatives of political parties instead of constituents.
In a country of 3 million people with only 63 MPs, Westminster governance has entrenched Political Parties as MPs’ Dictator and MPs as Councillors’ Dictators. Then, MPs, with eyes wide shut, proclaim “but the Parish Council awarded the contract”.
In 1993 a much ballyhooed effort to reform local Government resulted in Ministry Paper No 8/93 which stated:
“The need for fundamental [Local Government] reform has been on the national agenda for the last 50 years, during which seven major Studies [were] conducted…. These Studies have been remarkably unanimous in finding that the major contributors t o [Local Government’s] deficiencies and poor performance have been inadequate financing and lack of autonomy.”
“Remarkably unanimous”? The great Molly Sugden would be proud! So were local authorities adequately financed and given more autonomy?
In. Your. Dreams!
In 2016 a new Local Governance Act was passed. One “objective” was to “enhance [Local Authorities’] capacity to more effectively manage local affairs by enabling them to exercise powers and perform functions assigned to them”
What actually happened? An annoying “M” was added to the acronym KSAC. Local authorities got a name change. “The Minister” received wideranging powers over municipal corporations including to institute proceedings to remove a Mayor after misconduct allegations made to Minister. “Responsibilities” were to be undertaken after “consultation” and “collaboration” with, inter alia, MPs!
Once again we have reform without change. So we must ask ourselves for what are we voting in upcoming LGEs? Are we electing “local” authorities or middlemen to facilitate political corruption?
Where was I? Ah, yes, LGE predictions. Just as trainers/ jockeys are abysmal tipsters, election candidates are pathetic predictors. So I asked my friend The Terrible Tout to play reverse Kornacki (took his big board from TV election studios to classic racetracks) and use horseracing skills to analyse LGEs.
Touty says this election is dangerous for JLP because voters can comfortably register protest votes without changing Government. He also cites Numerology, an ancient Hindu science, where t he number 8 portends sorrow, l oss and humiliation. So, if you’ve unrestricted choice and select TWO number 8 days [February 8 and 26 (2+6=8)] for an important contest, you’re begging for trouble.
My moles tell me on the ground rumblings aren’t good for JLP. On the other hand, self-destructive PNP fractures remain. It could be difficult to get PNP’s base to the polls. So anything less than KSAC recapture; wins in Portland, St. Mary, St. Ann; and retaining Westmoreland will be a crushing defeat for PNP. JLP’s best hope is to cling onto overall majority with torn fingernails.
Peace and Love.
P.S. Partner posed double-trey because he holds “bareback” double-six. How do you “know”? You hold three sixes and partner “kippin’ soun’ bone”. Expect LHO to play trey-four or trey-blank. Why? Because only three treys are out; four and blank are your short cards. You want trey-four so you can send the first of your three sixes “through” RHO.
P.P.S. When this game was actually played LHO produced trey-four.