Special educator’s paradox of teaching with anxiety

THE EDITOR, Madam:

I AM compelled to share my journey as a special education teacher in a multiple disabilities class, navigating the labyrinth of anxiety while striving to support my students and manage my own fears of failure, judgement, and evaluation.

Every day as I enter my classroom, a mixture of love and anxiety floods my senses. While my students provide me with purpose and joy, the weight of responsibility often feels suffocating. The fear of failing my students, of not providing them with the support they need, looms over me like a dark cloud.

Further, the constant worry about what my colleagues might think of me adds another layer of complexity to my daily struggles. Each passing glance feels like a silent judgement, reinforcing the belief that I am not capable, that I do not belong.

The thought of appraisals and evaluations sends shivers down my spine, as I fear being measured against unrealistic standards that fail to capture the complexities of special education. It is not a lack of effort or dedication that impedes my productivity. Rather, it is the constant battle with my own mind that leaves me feeling drained and unable to complete essential tasks.

Yet, amid the turmoil, I find solace and strength within the walls of my classroom. Here, teaching becomes my refuge, offering moments of clarity and connection that buoy me through turbulent seas. In the resilience of my students, I see a reflection of my own struggles, reminding me that vulnerability is not a weakness but a source of courage and compassion.

In acknowledging and embracing my fears, I pave the way for authentic connection and support within my classroom community. By fostering empathy and understanding, we create a safe space where students feel seen, heard, and valued.

As I continue to navigate the paradox of teaching with anxiety, I am reminded of the transformative power of vulnerability. By embracing our fears and sharing our struggles openly, we invite others to do the same, fostering a culture of authenticity and empathy within our classrooms and communities. In doing so, we not only create spaces where both educators and students can thrive, but we also challenge the notion that strength lies in perfection, ultimately reshaping the narrative of what it means to be a teacher and a learner in today’s world.

CLAUDINE JOHNSON Special Educator