In love with a CHATT ERBOX

The Star (Jamaica) - - PASTOR -

Dear Pas­tor, Greet­ings in the sweet name of Je­sus. I have writ­ten to you be­fore but got no an­swer. I hope you will an­swer this let­ter. I am a reg­u­lar reader of your col­umn and hop­ing you will keep up your good work.

I am a 23 and think­ing about get­ting mar­ried. My girl­friend is 25 and has two chil­dren, a boy and a girl.

I used to say I wouldn’t marry a woman with chil­dren, but I am in love with this woman. She is the first woman I had sex with, and that hap­pened two years ago. Since that time, we have been do­ing it. She even went and told her friends that I was a vir­gin, and how I am a slow learner.

I did not think that was some­thing for me to be ashamed of, but a cou­ple of her friends teased me and told her that she was lucky to have me.

Pas­tor, I am hav­ing a prob­lem be­cause her first child’s fa­ther wants to come back in her life. She told me that she still loves him, but I am her man so she is not leav­ing me. We don’t have any prob­lem with the se­cond child’s fa­ther. He gives money when­ever he can. The first child’s fa­ther is the real prob­lem be­cause he was abroad, and has not said it to her but she be­lieves he was de­ported. He is liv­ing with his par­ents and work­ing with them.

He in­vited my girl­friend out to see a play and she told him she would go with him but I had to be there also. I told her I was not in­ter­ested and, if she went that would have been the end of our re­la­tion­ship.

Some­times I won­der whether I should con­tinue to be with her. She has lots of ex­pe­ri­ence and is work­ing with a law firm. I am work­ing and go­ing to school in the evening. I talk to her about hav­ing a child with me and she plans to give me a child when I am 25. My fa­ther told me that when I am 25 she will not be ready, so I should do what I can do now. I would love your ad­vice. I am wait­ing on it. A. J Dear A. J, You gave up your vir­gin­ity to a woman who you be­lieve loves you. It is un­for­tu­nate, how­ever, that she had to go out and tell oth­ers what hap­pened in the bed­room. She chats too much. Al­though you say you are not em­bar­rassed, I don’t be­lieve you. This woman said you are a slow learner. As I un­der­stand that, she was say­ing you were so na• ve and in­ex­pe­ri­enced in the bed­room that she had to play the role of a teacher to a child. She chats too much.

Con­cern­ing the fa­ther of your girl­friend’s first child, the only con­ver­sa­tion your girl­friend should hold with this man is con­cern­ing his child. If she is se­ri­ous about you, she should not en­ter­tain any ar­gu­ment which sug­gests she is in­ter­ested in him, would go out with him or re­new the re­la­tion­ship with him.

I hope this woman is not fool­ing you and look­ing at you as some­one she can push around. I know she took your vir­gin­ity and is older than you, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be­have as a boy to her.

I sug­gest both of you make an ap­point­ment with a fam­ily coun­sel­lor. I don’t think you are ready for mar­riage.

Pas­tor

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