Should I marry my girl­friend?

The Star (Jamaica) - - FRONT PAGE -

Dear Pas­tor, I am 24 years old and I am en­gaged to be mar­ried, but I am think­ing about break­ing this en­gage­ment. I am liv­ing in Amer­ica and my girl­friend is liv­ing in Ja­maica. She has two chil­dren and she is 23 years old. The fa­ther of the chil­dren doesn’t sup­port them, so I told her not to ask him for any money and I would help her with the chil­dren.

She and I used to be friends when I was 18 years old. She was the first girl I kissed. It was a good­bye kiss be­cause I was go­ing away, and I told her I would come back and marry her.

Six months after I left, she told me on the phone that she had bad news for me. She told me that she was preg­nant. I did not talk to her again be­cause I was so dis­ap­pointed in her. After hav­ing the baby, a year after, she got preg­nant again. She said the guy held her down and had sex with her. When I came back to Ja­maica, we made up. I send her money ev­ery two weeks.

Pas­tor, this girl can­not show me one cent of the money I have been send­ing to her. She spends my money buy­ing fool­ish­ness, and she changes her hair­style twice per month, al­though she is still liv­ing in her par­ents’ home. My brother told me that I should still marry her be­cause he hasn’t seen her with any guy. How­ever, my sis­ter says that my brother doesn’t have to see her be­cause she is a woman and a woman can al­ways trick men.

My sis­ter told me to send the money to her and she would give her just enough to take care of the chil­dren and save the rest for me.

We are plan­ning to get mar­ried in De­cem­ber 2017. I don’t know how to tell her that I want to send money to her through my sis­ter. I am won­der­ing if I should post­pone the wed­ding for a later date.

Please, pas­tor, give me your fa­therly ad­vice.

T.R. Dear T. R. I do not be­lieve that your sis­ter should get in­volved in the re­la­tion­ship you are hav­ing with your girl­friend. What you should have been do­ing when you sent money to her was to tell her to take a cer­tain amount to take care of her­self and the chil­dren, and save the rest in the bank. If you were telling her that, you would have good rea­sons to ques­tion what she did with the money and be in a po­si­tion to make al­ter­na­tive plans. But I don’t think it is fair to con­demn her for not sav­ing some of what you sent her. Per­haps she was not ex­trav­a­gant in spend­ing, but at the same time, she was not care­ful how she spent the money.

This young woman has made mis­takes, but if you truly love her, you should not dis­ap­point her. It is not time for you to think about post­pon­ing the wed­ding. Come to Ja­maica as of­ten as pos­si­ble, and show this young woman that you love her and trust her. Both of you should try to get some guid­ance from a mar­riage coun­sel­lor when­ever you are in Ja­maica.

Take care of your­self, young man. Use com­mon sense as you plan for your fu­ture.

Pas­tor

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