Giving my husband ‘bun’ for 20 years

Dear Pastor,

There are some men who are having sex with other men, and then they have sex with their wives and infect their wives with sickness. I am living with a man and he cannot sex me well, so all the time I have to give him ‘bun’ by going to a next man. I am good at telling lies, so sometimes when I want to meet with other men, I tell him that I am working in the country. I have been carrying on like this for 20 years now. This man is a ‘rum head’.

Pastor, can you assist me in getting someone to help me write a book about my life story? I have gone through about 50 men. I don’t want anything. I just want to kill myself when I think about it. My family members used to have sex with me.

S. Dear S., I want to discourage you from running around with different men. Evidently, you have been abused for many years by members of your own family. The abusive behaviour of your family members has never been reported to the police, and you haven’t received any counselling.

Unfortunately, the man with whom you live has not been able to satisfy you sexually. You call him a drunkard, and you have had to seek sexually gratification from other men. You are a very unhappy woman, and to you, life is meaningless. I could see why you feel that putting your life story in a book would help. Perhaps you feel that it would remove some of the pain that you are feeling now, and it would serve as a warning to other women.

I to suggest that you see a family counsellor for help. There are some pastors who are trained family counsellors, but some are not. If you attend church, you may ask whether your pastor is a trained counsellor. If he is, you may make an appointment to see him or ask him to suggest someone he knows who can be of help to you. You may also look in the telephone directory for mainline churches and ask for help.

I have tried to call you, but I have not been successful. Perhaps the number you have sent to me is not working or I am calling at the wrong time. I will be praying for you, but you need to take some positive steps to help yourself.

Please, do not attempt to kill yourself. You can receive help, but you should only tell your problems to professionals. I will try to contact you again.

Pastor.