Husband doesn’t know I want to make love to a woman

Dear Pastor, I am writing this letter to you because I know that you are the perfect person to advice me on this matter. I am a 28-year-old married woman who is married to a wonderful man. We are both college graduates with good careers, and I feel that I will ruin my happy home.

When I was in college, I experimented with girls. After I graduated, I had a boyfriend, and fell in love and did not think or act on my attraction towards women. The guy broke my heart, and I had a hard time getting over it. We were from different backgrounds; he was not educated. He chose to live day by day, and he did not plan for the future. After we broke up, I started dating women again until three years later, I fell in love and married my husband. I am at a cross roads right now because I sometimes get the sexual desire to have another woman kiss me and touch me. I was honest with my husband about my past, but I haven’t told him about what I’m going through now. I think that woman to woman is wrong in God’s eyes, and I wished that I didn’t have such desires, but I do, and I don’t know what to do about them. I have tried counselling in the past, but when I think that that chapter in my life is resolved, and I stop attending my sessions, the desire always return.

Please, help me, pastor. I don’t know if I should leave my husband. Financially, we both can stand on our own. Sometimes I think that he’d be better off if we got divorced and he gave another woman a chance to love him more completely.

Confused. Dear Confused, You said that you have told your husband about your past. I am assuming that you mean that he is aware that you have made love to women. If that is what you mean, I would suggest that you take him again into your confidence and tell him that the desire to make love to women is still strong and sometimes you feel that you would yield to the temptation. Tell him that you need his help to overcome this struggle.

Now, you may wonder why I am asking you to tell him. I am suggesting that you do so because he can help you to save your marriage by assuring you of his love and by accompanying you to go for counselling. You can tell him why you feel you need to make love to a person of your own sex, and together both of you can work on the problem.

I believe that it is also important for you to assure him of your love and that you have often thought that he deserves someone who would be true to him and who does not have homosexual desires.

Please return to counselling, ma’am, as soon as possible. I believe that your marriage can be saved.

Pastor