Cheating on my husband with a man who treats me like a dog

Dear Pastor, I am a 32-year-old married woman who is involved with another man. My husband is 46 years old. He is a loving man and a good father to my kids. They are not his biological children. He would do anything for me and the kids. He loves us. He took me from Jamaica with my kids when I had nothing and he never one day asked me where are their fathers. He does everything for them. My husband cannot have an erection for the past two years. I’m not trying to justify my actions.

I am cheating on my husband with a man who treats me like a dog, but I always run back to him. Whenever I go to see him, I feel uncomfortable. He beats me up and takes my money. And if I don’t feel like having sex, he will not take no for an answer. He calls me all the names in the book when we fight and he won’t talk to me, sometimes for days. I would drop anything to run and see this man. I lie to my husband so many times that I start believing the lies myself.

Sometimes I look at my husband and I hate myself for what I am doing to my family. Sometimes I’m sitting next to him and talking to my lover on the telephone because he does not understand Jamaican Creole. Sometimes I’m hurting because I’m fighting with my lover. Whenever we fight, I feel so sad that I don’t even want to do anything around the house; my husband would do everything.

Pastor, why am I finding it so hard to break away, even though I know that what I’m doing is wrong? My father was a pastor and I never saw infidelity in our family home. Why am I like this? I’m very unhappy with my lifestyle. I hate myself for being so unfaithful to a man who has done so much for my kids and me. Please pray for me. M.Z.

Having said the above, if your husband has sought professional help and he is still having the problem, that does not give you the right to have a lover on the side. There are many things that you can do as a woman, or to have your husband do to you to give you comfort and to bring you to orgasm. A sex therapist or any trained family counsellor worth his salt should be able to help you along this line.

I urge you to end the relationship with your lover. You are playing with fire and if you don’t quit, your husband may find out, and when he does, he will throw you out. He doesn’t understand Patois but he will learn. He may know much more than you think. In any case, you must show him respect. Quit going to see your lover. Stop giving him your money. It is unfair to your husband.

Pastor