There is life after a break-up

So it’s finally over. That unhappy relationship that you have mentally checked out of months ago is finally over and you are single in a new year. What are you going to do now? You have invested so much of your time, sweat and tears in nourishing this relationship. You’re almost 40, and you just don’t have the energy to start another new relationship.

This is the conversation that so many persons of a certain age have with themselves after a bad break-up, and it’s usually a prelude to some questionable decisions. Break-ups are hard, and they hurt, especially when it’s a relationship that had strong attachments and feelings. Typically, after a break-up, there is a lot of bitterness and anger. These emotions are usually obstacles to moving forward or even maintaining mature co-existence, especially if there are children involved. So here are some things you can do to get back to a positive place after a bad break-up.

TAKE A TIMEOUT

After the break-up, an individual experiences many negative feelings, including lowered self-esteem and guilt. During this period, I recommend that the individual take a moment and reflect on these feelings. Take the time to reconnect with the people who still love and support you, finish that project you’re working on, and reflect on some of the things in your life that you want to change.

INVEST IN YOU

This a great time to get a makeover, join a gym, sign up for that course, or just do things that improve you and make you happy. Focus on growing and completing the things you started. It’s a great boost to your self-esteem when a goal has been accomplished.

FOCUS ON THE CHILD

If there is a child in the ended relationship, you still have to maintain a relationship with your former partner. This can be difficult, especially since there are still hurt feelings, so focus on the child. Keep the communication open, and ensure that your actions are in the best interest of the child. Regardless of what happens between you and your partner, you have to work together as coparents.

GIVE OF YOUR TIME – HELP SOMEONE ELSE

Spend some time helping someone less fortunate. Volunteer with an organisation and give of your time. This is not only fulfilling, it helps you to pause and take the attention awys from the personal pain you are experiencing from your break-up. It also helps to gives some perspective when you help someone who is less fortunate.

RESIST THE URGE TO GET INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP RIGHT AWAY

Starting a new relationship when the feelings from the old one are still unresolved is not recommended. Going out, socialising, and meeting new people can be fun, but try to keep everything light while you work through your own emotional issues.

Not every relationship can survive the test of time. Allow time to heal the wounds, and be aware of the lessons that can be learnt from the experience. There are so many challenges that can affect one’s ability to move on or to even explore being in a relationship again in the future. Keep an open mind. Do the healing work, and try to resist the urge to make rash decisions while you’re still hurting.

There is life after a break-up, and the sooner you get living, the better.

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