I have no luck with Jamaican men

Dear Pastor, I have been wanting to write to you for a long time, but I was reluctant to do so. I am a 26-year-old successful female living in the US pursuing a law degree. The problem is that I am from Trinidad and Tobago, and I am very attracted to Jamaican men. But all three who I have been with have hurt me tremendously. I was with an entertainer in Jamaica for three years. I stuck by him when he didn’t have anything, and, at the heights of his career, when the money came rolling in, he found another woman and was trying to keep me as the main woman because he wanted me to have his baby. I bowed out of that option gracefully and went back to school.

The other guy who I dated from Jamaica abused me. I called the cops, and he was arrested. After four years of not visiting Jamaica, I came back. Once again, I saw someone who I am attracted to. However, I am wondering if I should pursue this relationship. I am having the feeling that I will be treated the same way by every Jamaican man. This guy claims that it will be different, but I do not want to put thousands of dollars into a relationship that will turn out to be the same thing.

My parents hate when I date Jamaican men because of what happened in the past, but they are very happy when I bring other guys from other islands around. Pastor, should I put anything into this relationship with the guy from Jamaica, or should I just look for someone in the US?

M Dear M, What is your heart telling you to do? Your parents may not like Jamaican men because Jamaican men have not been good to you. You have tried three, but I want to tell you that it is not because they are from Jamaica why you did not get very far with them. I know that there are cultural differences that couples encounter when they come from different countries, but these cultural differences can be overcome when couples are in love with each other.

I have met people who throw words at each other and, with any little misunderstanding, say that it is because the man or the woman is Jamaican why they are doing certain things. And very often when people make such remarks, they are talking nonsense. Love covers a multitude of sins.

When couples love each other, they learn to respect each other and to accept and even observe cultural differences. After a while, they don’t even remember that they are from different islands.

Having said that, let me quickly add that some people consider Jamaican men to be rough. But the amazing fact is that women like yourself love the Jamaican men, and they will give you reasons that I wouldn’t want to mention here. I don’t believe that this is what you are looking for. I believe that you want a man who will love you and treat you like a lady.

For example, let me show you something. In some of the islands, Jamaican women are not loved because the women from these islands claim that the Jamaican women are there to take away their men. So, people have different things to say about Jamaicans. But let me put it to you this way: Jamaica has some beautiful women, and I don’t hear them complaining about women from other islands taking away their men. You must know what you are looking for. If you give the impression to any Jamaican man that you are going to try to ‘ginnal’ him because you are more educated or earning more money than he is, you are going to have lots of trouble with him.

The choice is yours. If you love your present boyfriend, forget what has happened in the past with other guys, and work with him.

Pastor