My husband told lies about me

Dear Pastor, I am having a problem with my husband. We have been married for three years and I cannot live in peace.

I am 24 and he is 26. I met him in church. Before I met him, I had a boyfriend, but he was not a Christian. When I met my husband, he was from another church, but he joined my church because of me.

My pastor told me that I should be careful, because it is not good for a man to join a church because of a woman.

I convinced the pastor that he was not just coming to church for me. Both of us wanted to attend the same church.

The pastor received him into the membership and it is the worst thing that could have happened. He doesn’t want me to pay my tithes and offering.

He said that the pastor is better off than us and the pastor is driving a big car, so we should keep our money and save it so that we can buy our own home. I told him that I have to follow what the Bible says, and so we always argue over this.

My parents attend the same church and we all are very close to the pastor; he is our friend. If I say anything good about the pastor, my husband says it looks like the pastor and I have something going.

Somebody told my father what he said and it caused a big contention.

That very night when we had the argument and I went to bed, he touched me and I told him not to touch me. He kicked me off the bed and told me that if he can’t get what he wants from me, we shouldn’t be sleeping on the same bed. That night I slept on the couch.

I asked the pastor for an appointment and we went to see him. When we met, he told many lies on me.

He told the pastor that I am no good because I told him that while I was in the church, I got pregnant for a man and I did an abortion.

It is true that I got pregnant, but I wasn’t a member of the church as yet, and I had a miscarriage. He knew that I didn’t do an abortion. He was trying to let me look like a bad person.

He also told the pastor that he never told me that I was having an affair with him. He was so convincing that the pastor told me that I should go home and do my ‘bed work’, and that I should not withdraw myself from him.

I am unable to put aside the lies he told to the pastor about me. I have permanently left the bedroom, so now he is accusing me of having a man outside. I hardly go to church, but he goes. I am seen as the bad wife and I have never cheated on him.

My parents keep telling me that I cannot just walk out on the marriage. Please for your advice.

V.S. Dear V.S., I do not know what this man hopes to gain by lying on you. Evidently, he planned his lies. He is crafty and he got your pastor to believe him, and to blame you for the problems that you are experiencing with him.

You have got married to a very wicked man. I have said many times that a woman is under no obligation to tell her husband about her past life, whether they be good or bad.

Some people have disagreed with me, but I know that I am right. Look what has happened. You told the man that you have lost a child and he has twisted it around and said that you had an abortion. He is a dirty liar.

I suggest that you seek another audience with your pastor and that you go alone. I am not telling you to leave this man right now, but at the moment, this relationship is not on solid foundation.

Pastor.