My husband coming up short

Dear Pastor, I am 30 years old and I have been married for two years. My husband is 28 years old. Before we got married, we agreed that we do not want to have children until we have been married for two years. My husband and I are Christians. We did not have sex before we got married. After we became engaged officially, one year before we got married, we were tempted to try having children, but we decided that we can wait another year.

My girlfriends always ask me how things are going and we will talk about sex. Some of my girlfriends ask me whether I enjoy having orgasm and I told them I enjoy sex, but it was long after some of them picked up that I don’t know what they are talking about and they laughed at me.

One day over a drink, I asked two of them who were married for about five years to explain orgasm to me. One of them, who is very out spoken, said “Girl, when you experience it you know it.” She said if you are not “popping off,” you haven’t experienced it.

My husband and I have bought books and read them. I know when he comes, I can feel it and he usually sighs; I don’t feel anything, but I enjoy him. How can my husband make me ‘pop off’ or cum, as some people say? And can I get pregnant without popping off?

S.G. Dear S.G., Your girlfriends have not been very helpful to you. In fact, they have put you under pressure. What they should have told you is that some women find it easy to experience orgasm, but there are others who do not. In fact, some have never experienced orgasm, but that does not mean that they do not enjoy sexual intercourse. Most women have had orgasm. Often men have had to learn how to bring their wives to orgasm. Foreplay has a lot to do with it.

If a man is in a hurry to have sex with his woman, she may enjoy the sex, but the deep pleasure and satisfaction will be missing. There are good books on the market that a couple could buy and read together. A woman can learn from these books and put into practice what they read about how to have orgasm.

Having said the above, you need to be aware that roughly 20 per cent of women have never had explosive orgasm, or the type of orgasm that would make them explore. They do feel deep sexual pleasure, but nothing that would make them say “ha-ha” or “I’m coming”.

Many women would tell you that they are unable to reach orgasm, or, as your girlfriend called, it pop off during sexual intercourse. But if they masturbate themselves, they experience orgasm. And it is rather pleasurable. When your husband and yourself are making love, please don’t be in a hurry. Let the foreplay be as long as possible. If you have tried many times and fail and nothing is improving, you may need to see a sex therapist.

Let me hasten to say that there are many women who have not experience orgasm and have had children. One does not need to have orgasm to become pregnant. The ability or inability to have orgasm has nothing to do with getting pregnant.

Pastor