I lost my virginity to a family friend

Dear Pastor, I am 23 years old, and I am in my last year at college. When I was 17 years old, I lost my virginity to a family friend. This man was not my boyfriend, but he was always at our house. We used to play together and go out together. One Saturday, he was at our house. My older sister left us there and went to the hairdresser. Another guy was there, too. He is a mechanic. We were all playing dominoes. The neighbour’s car was giving him some trouble, so he called the other guy and he went to have a look at the car. He came back and said he had to go and get some parts. He went away.

My sister took a long time to come back. I wasn’t thinking of anything. Our parents were not there. They had gone out from early in the morning, and we knew they weren’t going to come back until late. This guy started to tell me how much he has been admiring me. He asked me if I ever had sex and I told him no. He asked if I would like to Dear V.T., You are 23 years old. Therefore, you can make your own decisions. I am sure that your parents would love to see you excel in life, but they can only encourage and support you. Whatever you wish to do is up to you. Looking back, you may say that the way this intimate relationship began with this man was not how you try and I told him I was afraid.

It was then that my sister called and said that she is not going to be home before 8 o’clock. She asked who was there and I told her, and she said that I was all right. The guy was there a long time with me, and Satan got in his head and he pushed his hands under planned life, but both of you got to love each other. And evidently, he has helped you. You have not said whether your parents think that this guy is not good enough for you. But at the same time, you believe that by encouraging you to go abroad to study, they are trying to separate the both of you.

Therefore, I suggest that you discuss my clothes and started to play with me. I felt funny, and then he got up and closed the door and started to have sex with me. He was sitting on a stool. It went on for about 10 minutes, and he discharged. That was on a Saturday evening. I told him that he should leave, and he said no he couldn’t this matter with them. Ask them if that is their reason (among other things) why they are encouraging you to go abroad to do postgrad work instead of doing your masters here in Jamaica.

I hope your letter will help other young people to be very careful. Men can be very cunning. This young man used the opportunity to have sex with leave me alone. He wanted us to do it again and I told him no, because I was bleeding.

The next day, he called to say he was coming by again because he has something to give me. When he came by, he handed me something in an envelope and told me to take them and that would prevent me from becoming pregnant. When he mentioned the word ‘pregnant’, I realised that what we did could have gotten me pregnant. I took the tablets. He called them morning-after pills. It took me a long time to forgive this guy, but eventually we became lovers.

Throughout my studies, he has helped me financially. Now he is talking to me about us getting married. My parents want me to go abroad. They know that we like each other, and I believe that this is their way of separating us. If I don’t see him for a week, I become so worried. As a father, please give me your advice.

V.T. you for the first time. Evidently, he was well informed about the power of the morning-after pill. I am glad you did not get pregnant.

I am also happy that you have not wasted your time over the years. As you plan for graduation, I wish you well. I repeat, discuss your future studies with your parents.

Pastor