FOREIGNER CONS WOMAN TO GET SEX

Four years ago, when Mary* met a man in the US, she thought that they were only going to be friends. Two years ago, she finally decided to date him. She said that things were going well and he even promised to send her US$100 (approximately J$13,200).

However, the man started to request sexual favours from her on the phone.

“Every time we video call he would ask me to show my private parts. I was not comfortable with it so I always refused,” she said.

Because of her continued refusal, he didn’t send the money and he stopped calling her for months, she said.

But six months ago, Mary said that the man called her and apologised for the way he behaved and said that he was coming to Jamaica to visit her.

She said that this provided a good opportunity for her to ‘play him’ and get some funds to pay her bills.

“When he came to my house, we were talking and having a good time but shortly after he started making advances at me,” she said. “We ended up having sex because to me that’s all I had to do to get my way with him.”

However, Mary’s plan backfired as she never heard from the man again. She has called numerous times but the phone appears to be out of service.

“I just feel like a fool. Desperation can make people do some things because my rent was due and I needed food, so I just fell for it. In my mind, I would just have sex with him one time and take as much as I could get. However, my game backfired and I was the one that got played for a fool,” she said.

TRANSACTIONAL SEX

Gender specialist Nadeen Spence said that women need to understand that there are times men want ‘transactional sex’. She said when this is realised it should be up to them to decide whether or not they want it. “This is a general principle to live by. Any time people offer you things, you must ask them what they want in return, and then decide: ‘Am I able to deliver on that’? before they accept,” she aid. She believes that the Jamaican culture raises us in a way that we should learn not to accept things from people without expecting to give something in return. Spence said that Mary has no one to blame but herself. “You know the saying: ‘When people show you who they are believe them’? He showed her who he was and she didn’t believe him. But you have to guard yourself against people who will use and abuse you. He was an abuser, and clearly she didn’t recognise this,” she said.