ANTS IN MY MILK

Dear Pastor, I am a 23-year-old man and I am having a problem. I have five Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate subjects, but I come from a very poor family. I don’t know my father and my mother worked night and day to support my two brothers and three sisters. I am ambitious. I met a young woman. She had two children. We agreed to live together because she said that nothing was going on between her children’s father and herself. My mother said that I shouldn’t have anything to do with her, but by that time, I considered it was too late because I had already been sleeping with her. And the children started calling me ‘Daddy’.

I do security work, but I don’t intend to stay in this work. The people in the yard are laughing at me. They say when I am gone to work at nights, the children’s father goes to the house and stay with her and leaves before I get home.

NO REASON TO LIE

My girlfriend told me that it is not true and that I should stop listening to people. I believe some of the guys who live in the yard. It is a big tenement yard. When I have my day off, we play dominoes and drink beers. One of the older men, who plays with us, told me the reason why he is telling me is because he doesn’t like to see a woman take advantage of a youth. He doesn’t have any reason to lie. When I heard what the older man said, I cried because sometimes I give this woman about half of my pay and it is hard to believe that she is giving me ‘bun’.

The children are attached to me. I had a girlfriend before I met this woman and the reason why I left her was for the same thing. She was also giving me ‘bun’, but she was younger than I. She admitted that she had sex with another guy, but this woman who has the two children is in her 30s and I love her. I don’t know what to do, believe me, so please, give me your advice.

D.V. Dear D.V., Why do you believe that your present girlfriend with whom you live would not be unfaithful to you? Is it because you love her little children and this woman is much older than you? So, you think she should be satisfied with the amount of money you give to her?

One should not be eager to believe everything he hears about his woman. On the other hand, he should not ignore everything he hears. I know men talk some very unkind things about women when they are drinking in a bar, etc. But these men, who told you that another man is visiting your house when you are not there, know your woman well and they know the children’s father. So, they thought that they have a responsibility to alert you about what is happening while you are at work. They believe that it is unfair to you for this woman to be living with you, and for this man to be visiting the house at night while you are at work.

I don’t believe that you should totally ignore what you have heard, especially from this older man who is living on the premises and who knows your woman and her children’s father. Your woman did not admit that the man comes there or sleep there. She did not even admit that he comes there to give her support for the children and she would tell him not to come back at nights.

You are a young man and I suppose you consider yourself ambitious. You said your previous girlfriend kept another guy with you and so you broke up with her. I am suggesting to you now that you should walk away from this woman. I often encourage people to go for counselling, but I am not even suggesting counselling for you with this woman. This woman is likely to eat you out, so to speak, and keep other men with you. So, whether your mother’s house is convenient or not, go home to her. Don’t make yourself a fool anymore. That is all I have to say right now.

Pastor