THREE YEARS AND NO SEX

Dear Pastor, This is the second time I am writing to you. I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 25 years old. We have been friends for three years and we have never had sex. Whenever I tell my friends that we have never had sex, they don’t believe me. One of my girlfriends told me that she would like to meet with him and to go with him on a date, and she is sure that when she is finished with him at the end of the date, he would lose his virginity and would want to go with her again. She said that she does not believe that my boyfriend is normal. She said that all normal men want to have sex.

SAYS HE MASTURBATES

My boyfriend said that he has wanted to have sex, but he is able to keep his desire under control, and from time to time he masturbates. When he told me he masturbates, I asked him if while he is masturbating he thinks about me and he said yes, sometimes, but not all the time. I told him that if he is thinking about me while he is masturbating, then he is having sex with me. He does not disagree with me.

He had a girlfriend, but she got pregnant for one of his friends and it took four months for her to realise that she was pregnant, so they broke up. He said he is not vexed with his friend for getting her pregnant, but he is disappointed in this girl because he used to support her. She is older than his friend, so she should not have had sex with him. I would like us to get married as soon as I am finished with university, which is two years from now. He told me that he will wait until I am finished.

Don’t think I am bad, pastor, but sometimes I do feel for sex. I don’t want to cheat on him like his former girlfriend. My boyfriend is very prominent in his church. I have gone to his house many times. He is still living with his mother. He does not even allow me to enter into his bedroom even when his mother is not there.

Do you think anything is wrong with him or is he just very dedicated and is a good Christian?

P.A. Dear P.A., If you love your boyfriend, do not tempt him to have sex with you. Women have complained to me many, many times that when they observed that their boyfriends are not asking them for sex, they have tried to tempt them in different ways. Some have taken off all their clothes and stand before their boyfriends, hoping that their boyfriends would yield to the temptation and have sex with them.

It is true that sometimes the men do not love them and because of that they refuse to have sex with them. But there are many men who are dedicated to the Lord and maintain their religious convictions that sex before marriage is wrong, and they refuse to yield.

Your boyfriend is a dedicated Christian. He did not have to tell you that he masturbates, but he did. You shouldn’t tell him, therefore, that by masturbating, it is just like having sex. How do you know that? What you are telling him is that if he can masturbate, then he can have sex with you.

You know where your girlfriend stands. She told you that if she and your man went out on one date, he wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. She would rape him, so you should know that this is not a good girlfriend to trust.

There are many women who have past their 20s and 30s and are still virgins. You are 19 years old and your boyfriend is 25 years old. Both of you can hold on until you are married. Pray and ask God to keep both of you pure.

Pastor