My wife found a man overseas

Dear Pastor, I am 40 years old, and I am carrying a heavy burden. My wife is living abroad. She has been there for 10 years. She spoiled her visa, so she is afraid to come back. To come back may mean that she will never be able to get another visa. This would not have to happened if she did not like to have her own way. She had a good job in Jamaica. We were not rich, but we were happy, and the bills were being paid. We had a house, and I had a car. She said she wanted a car for herself. I couldn’t afford to buy one for her, so she went away and started hustling.

We have two children. I took care of them. Her sister stayed with us. She is a wonderful individual. For two years while my wife was away, I didn’t touch another woman. But after two years, I had a conversation with my wife. I asked her if she had ever had a relationship with another man since she was living abroad, and she said she wouldn’t tell me no, and she wouldn’t tell me yes. I almost died from shock because she didn’t have to say anything else to me. That made me know that my wife wasn’t being faithful to me.

I told her sister, and her sister asked her about it. My wife said she wasn’t expecting me to tell her. My wife had a very good female friend, and I decided to talk to her about it. She, too, spoke to my wife about what she told me. My wife told her that it happened with a man who had put her up for a couple of months. She didn’t mean to get involve with him, but it happened.

I cannot forgive my wife because she has broken up our marriage by staying away from me and having an affair with another man – something I didn’t expect her to do. This same woman who was our friend and I have now become very close, and my children know that we are lovers. She now sleeps here with me. I told my wife that she can go ahead and divorce me. Now, she hates her friend for with another man and did not consider that what she was doing would help to destroy your relationship.

You came to the place where you got fed up and became sexually involved with her friend. You may want to excuse what you did by saying that it was your wife who left you, so nobody can blame you. But regardless of how you look at it, you have to bear some of the blame. Mark you, I am not becoming involved with me. Do you think that is fair? I will be reading THE STAR for your answer.

C.N. condemning you. You told your wife that she can divorce you, so you have technically given up on the marriage. There is no room for forgiveness and for reconciliation – too bad.

I hope that both of you can come to the place where you are willing to forgive each other and be reconciled.

Pastor