Afraid to ask my boyfriend for money

Dear Pastor, This is the first time I’m writing to you. I’m having a problem. I’m 18 years old, and I have a boyfriend who is 20 years old. My boyfriend and I get along very well. We’ve been together for one year and eight months. Yes, we have ups and downs, we fight, we argue; but in the end, we always work things out.

Pastor, I love my boyfriend very much, and he loves me the same. But I’m having a problem. Every time I need money for school or to do something important that will benefit me, I always find it hard to ask him. I mean, I’ll tell Dear N.N., I have observed that you have not said anything about your parents, but I am assuming that you are living with them. But, from time to time, you have needs that they are unable to provide. Therefore, you would hope that your boyfriend can help to meet these needs. That is natural. Sometimes a girl may wish to have her boyfriend help her financially. She may not even directly ask him, but she may talk about these needs in his presence a number of times and hope that he will get the message that she is trying to convey, and that the message is simply saying that she needs his help.

The problem is that the guy may not be in a position to help her, either. And that may cause her to feel very frustrated. She might even be tempted to break up the relationship and to seek him that I’m in a situation like that, but I won’t ask him for it and it’s been a problem to him. We’ve talked about it before, and he told me that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask him for things.

DON’T LIKE TO DEPEND

Pastor, I hate depending on people for things. I know he’s my boyfriend, but then again, I don’t want him to feel like I’m always running to him for money whenever I need it.

Am I being stupid for not knowing how to tell my boyfriend I need money? Please, tell me what I should do.

N.N. help from another man. Please understand that I am not advocating that that’s what you are supposed to do, I am only making a point. If you were not feeling frustrated about this relationship and the lack of financial assistance from this man, I doubt that you would have written to me. You expect him to give you financial help without asking for it. But some men don’t believe that they should give money to women unless the women ask for it. And, there are those who don’t believe that the women should get any money at all from them unless they are married. I don’t even think that I should add that there are those who don’t give money at all unless their girlfriends regularly have sex with them.

What I suggest that you should do is to talk to this man straight about your needs and ask him to help you, and tell him why you need the help. I would expect him to tell you whether or not he can assist you. Bear in mind that some guys would promise to help girls, but never keep their word. Another thing I will encourage you to do is try your very best to get a parttime job while you are attending school. I know it can be tough sometimes to go to school and work, but many have had to do so. God bless you. I will be praying for you.

Pastor