Babyfather doesn’t want me to give away ‘his stuff’

Dear Pastor, This is the first time I am writing to you, and I need your fatherly advice. I read your column everyday. I am the mother of one child. His father is in Canada. We talk every week, and he is always telling me to behave myself and don’t give away ‘his stuff’. He said that he is going to come back and marry me. I am trying to behave myself, but I heard that his in Canada there have set him up with a girl there. I love him so much, and I miss him. I told him so, but there is a guy here who loves me. I know it's genuine love because we go back to school days. We have never had sex, but when I got pregnant he was very upset. He has also been telling me that he would accept my son as his own. He said that he only wants to know if I would love him and forget my boyfriend who is in Canada.

One night I was in my room, and I broke down after thinking about my boyfriend in Canada. I cried and cried, and my mother heard me sobbing. She asked me why I was crying, and I told her the truth. My mother came into the bed with me and tried to console me. I told her about this guy in Jamaica who wants to have a relationship with me, and my mother said I should wait on my son’s father.

My mother also told me to buy a pillow and hug that pillow at nights and sleep. She said the pillow would represent my child’s father. I did so. I told my child’s father that after this year if he does not come back, I am going to leave him. Do you think that it is right to give him an ultimatum? T.F. Dear T.F., I do not encourage couples to give out ultimatum in relationships. But it is evident that you are burning. That’s why the Bible says that “It is better to be married than to be burn with passion.” You said that your boyfriend’s relatives are trying to set him up with a woman in Canada. That could be true, but you do not know whether it is so. But it’s not unusual for relatives to try to help other relatives to gain permanent status abroad, so anything is possible.

You are a good girl. You have remained faithful to this man. If you have decided that you have had enough of this man in Canada, you should let him know before you make the decision. I wish you well.

Pastor