I will never date a ‘loose’ woman

Dear Pastor, I have been reading your column quite frequently for many years. What does it mean to condemn someone? I remember reading somewhere in the Bible where it made mention of one seeing a splinter in someone’s eye, but not seeing the log in one’s own. What does it mean to judge someone? I know for sure that the Bible calls it a sin. Do they mean the exact thing from a biblical perspective?

I am quite unsure because I remember someone telling me that I am a condemner because I would refuse to be involved with a girl if she had numerous sexual partners before me. I can say that I still take that position. Is it wrong for me to think like that? From what I have seen, persons have written to you over the years, and I must say that it is quite a disappointment to see the kind of women that are really out there.

To be honest, I hope I will never get to know some of them. One of the things that bother me the most is that some of these women want a ‘good man’ in their life, but when they do get one, most of the times they are the ones who ruin the relationship. From what I have gathered from these articles, these good men are typically ones who send their wives/lovers/girlfriends to school and end up regretting it later. You must be wondering why I am worrying about all these things and especially if I am getting a good education. I do not know if you remember me but this is my third time writing to you. I have more questions for you, but I shall not make this article any longer. I am looking forward to your reply.

F.L. Dear F.L., If a man is guilty of a crime, the state may condemn that person to die or to serve a prison term. But, that person would have to be tried in court. The Bible, however, warns that no one has the right to give “an unfavourable or adverse judgement on another” because he or she believes that the person has lived or is living a very loose life. Whether that person is in his or her judgement living an immoral life, no one has the right to condemn that person.

It is evident that you have set yourself to judge people’s character, and whether you know it or not, you are wrong to do so because you are a sinner like anyone else. You may think that you are righteous, but you are not. And that is why the Bible says: “You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Please, remember that you are not a saint, and although you think that your sins are not as bad as other people’s, you are still a sinner, doomed for hell unless you repent.

The question is, why do you put up yourself as a judge? If you do not wish to marry a woman who has been with other men, that is your choice. But, please do not believe that women who have had relationships with different men before they got married should be condemned. In fact, you are out of order for even thinking that way. Jesus did not condemn the woman at the well. He told her to “Go and sin no more.” She had gone to bed with many men.

People make mistakes, but God is a forgiving God. You have made mistakes too, so instead of condemning those you think are bad and worthless sinners, look in the mirror and see whose image you are looking at, and then ask God to help you control your tongue.

Pastor