Boyfriend is convinced I’m cheating

Dear Pastor,

I’m in my early 20s and I’m very attractive. I have been with my babyfather for almost a year now.

He was always making remarks that he would get me pregnant. I told him no because I wasn’t financially stable, but the first time we had sex he did it.

During my pregnancy it was very stressful, mostly because of him. I cried until I passed out.

I thought me or my baby would die. I prayed and read my Bible, and now I have a healthy baby.

The main problem I have with my babyfather is that he is always accusing me of having numerous guys in my life.

It all started when he saw a “I miss you” text; it was just to a friend. Then a couple of days ago, he searched my phone again and saw that I was texting this guy regularly and he got upset. He would make me feel bad about something I didn’t do, and no matter what I said sometimes, he didn’t believe me.

I told him guys are going to always like me because I’m not bad-looking. It is not what they think of me, it’s what I think of them, and I don’t have any feelings towards them.

Whenever we argue, it’s over some simple and foolish things. He always says that he regrets meeting me or I’m a big mistake.

He is very superstitious. He would dream that I cheated on him and he believed that dream. I’m not perfect, but I love my babyfather so much.

I have never cheated on him, but he thinks I did. I’m so frustrated about the accusation.

I feel like this relationship is going to end because he thinks I have somebody else. I used to pray to God to make our relationship stronger, but I have stopped because I don’t want to pray for what is not mine.

I cry so much and I’ve been unhappy lately. I really need your advice.

A

Dear A,

You know that this man does not trust you. However, I don’t understand why you were texting this other man so often.

Is it because you love to talk to him and you found that it was easier to communicate with him than your boyfriend? Who was this friend you told that you missed?

Evidently, you were not able to explain to your boyfriend who he was. You should have been more careful, knowing that your boyfriend is very jealous and he would indeed believe that text was sent to somebody very special in your life. So, you have to take the blame for not being wise.

YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOURSELF

On the other hand, it seems to me that you love this guy much more than you love yourself. You care much more about him than he cares for you.

You told him that you did not want to get pregnant, but at the same time you were not smart enough to protect yourself from pregnancy.

He willfully got you pregnant, and he did not show much compassion after you got pregnant. However, I am glad that you came through alright.

Judging from what you said, this guy is much more than just being superstitious. He does not know how to care for a woman.

He is rough in his speech and operates, talks and acts like a bully. I am not even going to suggest that you go to see a counsellor, because you will never stop him from believing that you are being unfaithful.

He has a problem and he has to learn to deal with it. What you need to do is to make sure that he does not get you pregnant again.

You have not said whether you are working, but if you are not, you need to get a job. You need to go back to school. You are a good girl.

This man is fortunate to have had you. You have stopped praying about the relationship. Ask God to give you the courage to move on. You should not continue to take insults from this man. He calls you a ‘mistake’. He says that because he feels that he is better than you. Leave this man. If you continue in this relationship, you will become ill.

Pastor