Don’t know if my man is lying or not

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship for almost a year now. This guy and I work at the same place.

We started talking and got to know each other. While at work, he did the simplest things that showed me that he cared.

We often went to hotels or we went out on weekends to chill.

One day he brought me to his house and his grandma came out; the next day we went to the river.

She saw me and started cursing, saying so that he takes home different women and it can’t continue, and that he and his girlfriend are not separated.

To be honest, I felt bad. I got mad and told him to take me home, but he didn’t. He tried to explain that he and the girl were not together anymore.

I tried to trust him, but I didn’t. He also tried to explain that his grandma was getting old and she forgot things.

He continued to take me to his house, and all that. A couple of weeks passed and we started having arguments. Weeks later we were good, but started arguing again.

He said he was not used to this and that his past relationship was the best, but the girl wouldn’t take him back.

I said my ex-boyfriend would be glad if I took him back. I told him my ex-boyfriend was the stalker type. I couldn’t live like that; I had to leave.

Anyway, I asked the new guy if he didn’t want children. He was always complaining about how he didn’t want to talk about that.

I continued to question him. Last month he told me that he had a daughter. Pastor, if you had cut me you wouldn’t have seen any blood.

I asked him why he didn’t tell me this from the start. He said the girl he was with had fibroids.

He said he was with her for seven years and he ‘went outside’ because he thought he couldn’t impregnate anyone.

HE GOT SOMEONE ELSE PREGNANT

When he cheated, he got someone pregnant. I told him he would do the same thing to me. He said no and that he loved me and was not looking for anyone else.

Pastor, sometimes when I am around him, I dream about him and the baby. But I don’t know what his child looks like; it makes me to not trust him.

I feel like leaving him alone. He tries to make things work. We are good, but I am having doubts about him having a child, and if it’s all real or if he’s joking.

I can see that he cares for me and loves me and ensures that I am fine. He cooks, irons, anything. We do go out, even though he says he is financially embarrassed.

I am not looking someone who is rich, I am just looking someone who tries. He wanted to tell his mom about us, but I said I wanted to watch and listen.

He asked me if I would wait for him if he went on the farm work programme.

I told him no because I could be out here waiting and when he came back, it could be a different thing.

I admire the little things he does but I need more, and I just do not think I can accept that he has a child; it bothers me more than anything else.

Pastor, please help me. I don’t know what to do and I need your advice.

J.R.

Dear J.R.,

This is a mixed-up relationship and you are clearly not happy with this man. No question, he is a liar. Nothing he says you should believe.

He talked about not having a woman, but he did. And his grandmother was upset because he kept taking women to the house.

She didn’t hide and talk, she spoke it openly so that you would know that the man is not truthful.

The questions I want to ask you are: Why are you allowing this man to make a fool of you? How can you trust this man? Can’t you see that he is a player?

What does he have to do next to cause you to walk away from him? He has fathered a child, but to me that is not the big issue.

The real issue is that the man is a liar. You can do better. Tell him to get lost and find another man.

Pastor