Boyfriend only using me as his mother’s nurse

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I am living with a man. I do not have children, but I try my best to help my relatives.

My boyfriend is twice my age. When I met him, I didn’t have anything. He has helped me all the way. I was friendly with another man, but I didn’t have any freedom at all; he was so controlling.

We had a relationship for only six weeks and I realised that we would never make it together.

He knew that I did not have anywhere to live. He took me in, but right before me, he would be talking rude talk to other women.

When I spoke to him about it, he said that’s how he was and he couldn’t change. First time I had sex with him, he didn’t want to wear the condom.

We had a fight over that and in the middle of the night, he said it was either I have sex with him or he would leave; so I had to do it with him.

STAY HOME

This man I am with now doesn’t talk much. He has a nice home. The problem I am having Pastor, is that since we have been friends, he wanted me to stay home and take care of his mother who is ill.

This is not what I had planned for. I have become a nurse to his mother. She can help herself but not much.

When I got to know him, there was a helper there, but he fired her and took me as his girlfriend. But I am doing bed works and nursing his mother.

I would not lie about him. He takes care of me and he gives me extra money to send for my parents who are very poor. I feel as if I am in a cage.

Sometimes I feel like leaving, but I can’t leave because he is my only help. He told me if I plan to leave him, I should tell him in advance because he will have to have someone to look after his mother.

When he comes home from work, he doesn’t fuss about anything; he goes straight into his mother’s room and checks on her and it seems as if I am not there.

I love him, but I can’t live like this because I am a young woman.

Please tell me what to do.

E.B

Dear E.B,

This man you describe as being quiet loves and respects his mother. So he is doing his very best for her.

You have not said whether this man has siblings and why the responsibility of caring for his mother has fallen on him.

However, I think highly of children, especially men who support their parents.

I understand that you did not get into this relationship to become this man’s helper. You got with him as his lover and now you have to take care of his mother.

I would say to you, take heart.

Things will change for you.

Pastor