‘Open’ relationships can work

Dear Pastor,

A woman should know her man’s temperament. But how does a woman know when to take a man, lover or husband’s threat as real? It is tricky.

People say calm waters run deeply. A man could switch suddenly, calm down, be a ‘bag of mouth’, or stand down from violent action if prison looms.

Certain relationships are called ‘open’. If both parties are honest about their needs and have other intentions, then as long as they are strong mentally and emotionally, it can work. However, one party can develop jealousy, so beware.

R

Dear R,

First of all I want to thank you for writing from London, England. As you can see, I have deleted some of what you have said. Some folks indeed say that they have open relationships.

And by that, they seem to mean that they can go from one partner to the next without their spouse feeling jealous or upset.

Open relationships just never work. They are not something to brag about or to be encouraged. No man who truly loves his spouse wants her to be involved with other men.

If he is ‘pimping’ his woman, that’s a different matter. She is earning and bringing in money to him. But if he loves her and the relationship is based on love, or the foundation of their marriage is love, the man would not stand for her to have other men.

Now, the same is true for women. The women who love their men do not want them to go to other women. That is why women get into physical fights over their men.

Women do not want their men to support other women, because they believe that the other women are robbing them from what they should have.

You raise the matter of prison. When people, male or female, decide to kill, the threat of prison is not a deterrent at all. I wish those who govern could understand that.

People say we need to hang murderers, but I will repeat, when a person has made up his or her mind to kill, he doesn’t even think that the State might take his life. As far as he or she is concerned, that doesn’t make a difference.

We grieve over what we are witnessing in Jamaica today and pray that Almighty God would intervene, and that men and women would learn to love humanity, and that we may learn to live in peace.

Pastor