Not sure if I love my farmer boyfriend
Dear Pastor,
I am 24 years old and I live with my adopted parents. I don’t know my biological parents. When I was born, my mother gave me away to my adopted parents. I don’t know her. I have never seen her. My adopted parents were in their 50s when my mother gave me away to them. They had children of their own. These children were much older than me. I was well treated.
My father was a lay preacher and my mother was a seamstress. I learnt to sew from a young age. My mother used to dress me up, and when my father was going out to preach, he took me with him. I could sing, so everywhere we went they wanted me to sing. I wanted to be a doctor, but I did not have enough subjects. My adopted siblings have all left me with my parents. They send money for their parents. They told me that they would send me to school, but it’s only promises I am getting from them.
I have a boyfriend, but I really don’t need anything from him. He can hardly help himself. All he talks about is that I am going to get the house and we can live together. He is a farmer. He brings me ground provisions every week.
PROMISES OF HELP
Sometimes I think I love him and other times, I don’t see myself loving a man who can hardly help himself. He does not have any subjects at all. I have three, and I would like to get some more. I would also like to travel, and I would like to get married and have children.
One of my sisters promised to help me. She said that she knows guys who are looking for Jamaican women, and it wouldn’t be a business marriage. She sent me the name of one guy, who was married and now divorced. We have been corresponding. I talked to my father about him, but my father doesn’t like the fact that he is divorced; but we are still corresponding. He has three children and he is 40 years old.
Pastor, what do you think? I need your advice. Thank you for reading my letter.
T.S.
Dear T.S.,
The desire to get married is a desire that many women have. Nothing is wrong with that, and I hope that you would be able to do so. It is also true that most people would love to travel and gain some experience, but you have to be careful. Whatever you do must be legal. People get into trouble because they don’t follow the proper process, so do what is right. Don’t go through the back door at anytime.
Concerning this young man who loves you, if you are not sure about your love for him, you should keep him as a good friend and see whether your love will grow. But don’t try to force yourself to love him. You say he is a farmer. He might not have much, but I am sure he is doing his best to express his love for you. Please, don’t make a fool of him.
Don’t ignore your parents’ advice. They shouldn’t choose for you, but they can still give you guidance. Make sure you choose wisely. I am sure your siblings love you and they would like to help you. At least one sister told you that she would help you. She has already introduced you to a man.
I would say to you, you should try to find out why this man and his wife broke up. Nothing is wrong in marrying a divorced person. But, remember, if he flippantly divorced his wife and it was not because of anything major, if you were to marry him, it is likely that he would do the same thing to you.
You are still young, so while you are in Jamaica taking care of your elderly adopted parents, ask your siblings to help you to return to school. You can go to classes in the evening.
Pastor