My man’s spouse is calling me a whore

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and I am having a problem. I was unemployed for a year and my bills built up on me. I got jobs here and there, but not enough to pay my rent.

In one year, I lost 25 pounds and I didn’t have much weight to begin with. I didn’t visit the country to see my mother because the last time I saw her, she told me I was too slim.

I was still trying to go to college in the evenings. I became involved with a man. I knew that he had his girlfriend, but I told him I would not get between them. I owed three months rent and he paid up the rent and took me shopping. But as you can imagine, that was not for free. He did not have to ask me for sex, I volunteered to give him, and that has been going on.

Now, his girlfriend suspected that he has another woman. She searched his phone and saw my number and called me.

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I made a mistake by telling her that she should ask her guy if he and I were friends. He told me that was the wrong thing to tell her.

I have changed my number, but this girl knows where I work and she is trying to create problems for me. She called my supervisor and described me as a whore.

My supervisor told my manager and this thing has got around my office. I wasn’t raised this way, but hard time has reached me and I found myself not being able to leave this man. He has become everything to me.

I had a man who was divorced. He treated me well, but he died suddenly from a heart attack. He was twice my age and he did not leave anything for me.

His children knew me but they did not know anything else. I never asked them for anything.

Do you think I can sue this girl who is spreading rumours about me? This man told me that if she continues to try to embarrass me, he would leave her.

But she is living in his house and she is not going to leave quietly if he tries to get her out.

R.W

Dear R.W,

It is evident that you were going through rough times before you met this man.

I am sorry to know that the man you had before died suddenly and he did not make any provision for you in his will.

His children knew you, but they are not obligated to give you anything because you were only their father’s girlfriend.

One can say that you were a very unfortunate young woman because this man who is now assisting you is living with his woman.

You have not interfered with her, so she shouldn’t be attacking you. She should be talking to her man. But it is not unusual for women to curse the ‘side women’.

She is out of order to be complaining to your supervisor. Your supervisor has nothing to do with your private life.

I don’t mean to give the impression that a woman should be very loose in her private life and still be prominent in certain jobs. But this woman is out of order to be calling you a whore.

I gather that she has said some other unpleasant things.

You are thinking that you should sue her. Don’t waste your time.

I cannot encourage you to continue this relationship. What I would suggest is if it is at all possible, you should try and get a roommate who would share the bills with you so that you would be able to cope better and you would not have to rely on this man for everything.

Perhaps you may consider also to try to get a weekend job. Don’t fight for this man, just think of different things you can do to support yourself.

Pastor