Don’t want to marry a farmer

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am a 20-year-old female. I have done well in school. My parents are farmers. I have seen how hard my father had to work to put his children through school.

People stole from him, but he never complained. That is why I always say I don’t want to marry a farmer.

I had a boyfriend when I was 18, but I found out that he was just a player. He had a good job, but all he wanted was sex.

I told him that I wanted to go to university and he promised to help me. But nine months ago, I found out that he got two women pregnant about the same time.

When I asked him about it, he said it was my fault because I didn’t want to have sex with him.

So I asked him why he didn’t use the condom, and he said he did not have any when he slept with those women.

I told my mother and she told me to break off the relationship because he would ‘spoil me up’ just like the other girls, and I would not get to carry out my plans to go to university.

I love this man with all my heart. If it was only one girl who was pregnant, I would have been vex, but two girls at the same time? It’s a no-no, Pastor.

There is this guy in my church. He is 27. He loves me and I am getting to love him, too. The only drawback is that he is a farmer.

The other guy has gone to university. This farmer has only finished high school, but he is very smart. He works with his father, who is a farmer too.

My father and his father get along very well. This guy visits me at our house. He is always clean and well dressed.

But all he talks about is farming, so that is a big problem. I don’t know what to do.

I told him that I want to go to university and he said that would be good, but we could do that after we get married.

He told me one day that I was looking so sexy in church that he couldn’t concentrate on the message from the pastor.

He said that he is ready for us to get married because he does not want to commit fornication. He is the only son for his parents.

I feel that I have bad luck. I am a good-looking girl. I have kept myself, and people respect me. But I do not want to marry a farmer.

Please tell me what to do. I write to you as a daughter to a father. What advice would you give me?

P.R.

Dear P.R.,

Your ex-boyfriend has disappointed you. Don’t shed any tears over him. He does not deserve you. He now has two babymothers. Let him go his way.

He is very irresponsible. He doesn’t respect women. Wish him well, but whenever you see him on the road, don’t even behave as if you know him.

Concerning this young farmer; it is an honourable job. But you have seen how hard your father had to work. So you never wanted to marry a farmer and I could understand that.

However, the old ways of farming have changed. I am assuming that it is more scientific now.

So if this guy is willing to learn, he, too, can go back to school. He can perhaps check with the University of Technology and receive guidance from them.

I would not discourage you from marrying this man if he truly loves you and you love him.

On the other hand, I know that he feels that if you were to go to university before you both got married, you may meet somebody, fall in love, and get married.

As I see it, you shouldn’t be in a hurry to marry this man because you are only 20. You should pursue your goals and objectives because time is in your favour.

So, tell him that you would consider marrying him, but you want to attend university and graduate first.

I repeat, don’t reject this man simply because he is a farmer. Farmers feed the nation, and there are many educated women and men who are farmers.

Pastor