My ex wrecked my life using social media
Dear Pastor,
I hope this email finds you well. With all that is going around, I wish you good health and continued prosperity. I read your column every day in THE STAR, and I have written to you before. Your advice was very helpful. I need your help once more.
I have an ongoing battle that I cannot solve on my own. There is this young man from my community who I’ve known for more than 10 years. He and I had been on and off in a relationship for years. Both of us have children with different partners. But after becoming parents, we reconnected and became intimately involved. I trusted him a lot. He and I had the closest relationship I have ever had in all my life. The things I did for this man I had never done before. I bathed him, cooked for him, and fed him. At one point, his daughter even began to call me mommy.
During that same year, however, things came to a horrible end after he developed an aggressive temperament and started falsely accusing me.
After I decided it was over between us, this man created a fake social media profile and messaged my child’s father and told him that my child wasn’t his, among other things. Since then, my child has been without a father. That story is for another letter, though, Pastor.
When I found out that it was he who had created the fake profile,
I was even more hurt. To cover up his cruelty, he even got baptised.
I am struggling to get over what he did. When I read the letter from the 18-year-old who had had a similar experience with the soldier, I was reminded of my own experience all over again.
This man confessed to his pastor and my mother that he did what he did out of anger because he wanted to hurt me.
Last year, I had another baby, and even though
I am busy being the absolute best mother, I still find that I am depressed at the thought that I will be raising my child on my own because of that wicked man and another who didn’t want to be a father in the first place so he didn’t even bother to question what was conveyed to him.
There are so many things going on with me that they cannot all be said in just a letter.
I am also seeking a job. I know that with the coronavirus, things are tough on everybody, but I am struggling and in dire need of help.
Please pray for my children and me. I look forward to a reply from you. Stay blessed.
S.
Dear S.,
I must say that he is very ungrateful and wicked. I believe what you have written. He is also a very selfish man, and you should try your very best to put what he has done to you behind you, and move forward.
You should not even think of retaliating because this man will have to live with a guilty conscience. What he should do is not just to admit to his pastor that he was hurt. He should ask you pardon for his wickedness, but if he does not do so, leave him alone, and pray that God will enable you to forgive him and not to hold animosity against him.
Don’t judge his motives. You claim that the reason why he got baptised was to cover up his cruelty. You don’t know that for sure. Perhaps that was his way of dealing with his guilt. But you can’t be sure.
Concerning the paternity of the child, you say he declared that you had lied about the paternity of the child. This is not something that cannot be proven. What I suggest you do is to ask the father of the child if he would be willing to submit to a DNA test to prove the paternity. He should be glad to do so. If he is willing to do that, he would not have an excuse for not supporting the child.
You are having a most difficult time with men. Perhaps you are too easy to fall in love,and, I would say, too trusting. You should not always believe what he tells you. I have said it before, and I will repeat: men are, basically, liars, and they tell women what women want to hear. Even when a man says to a woman, “I have never met a woman lovelier than you. You are the sweetest thing on Earth”, take that with a pinch of salt. He may not be speaking the truth.
May God bless you, my dear. I hope God will indeed provide you with a job.
Pastor.