Bisexual babyfather stressing me out

Dear Pastor,

I am 25. I met my daughter’s father when we were in church. I was 18 then. Everything was going well while we were in church. I got a good job and we started living together in 2011.

I got pregnant in 2012 and when I was eight months pregnant, I was home alone and I was spreading our bed. I found a notebook under the bed with many passwords and emails to websites that my partner visited.

I was curious so I checked them out and I found out my partner was gay. I confronted him about it and he admitted it. However, I did not end the relationship because I was pregnant.

He told me he would stop, so we continued living together and tried to get past it. In 2014, he got a visa and started to travel.

He would go away and work and take very good care of my child. He would come home for a couple of months, and then go back to work.

He went away two times for six months and I waited on him because he had been paying the bills and supporting my child and me. The third time he went away was last November.

I was lonely and I begged him to stay but he did not. I went on a dating site and I met someone twice my age and I really liked him.

This man, who is abroad, sent for me and I visited him.

My child’s father found out about it. I told him nothing serious was happening between this man and me.

I went back to see the man overseas recently. At my daughter’s party after that, my child’s father and I started talking again. So we agreed to try and work things out.

However, he confessed to me that he slept with few women since I left him, and he wanted us to go to counselling because we were still in love with each other.

I found out he didn’t use condoms with the females. This makes me uncomfortable. He hurt me in the past and I forgave him, but he cannot get over that I met someone and had an affair with him.

Pastor, I love my child’s father and he would give me anything and he cares for me, but I believe that he is addicted to sex. He constantly brings up that I cheated with another man and I am telling him that he is the one I love.

My life is now so confusing as I broke it off with the man abroad. But with all that my child’s father and I have been through, I am not sure if it’s worth a try or not. It’s been seven years and he really treats me well.

Does this relationship makes sense to try with or not? Please advise me. V.J.

Dear V.J.,

This man has admitted to you that he is bisexual, and when he admitted it, you were pregnant. Evidently you stayed with him because you could not do better; you needed his financial help.

You also admitted that he has supported you and your daughter very well. However, you wanted more of him and he was not always available because he was working abroad.

So therefore, you got involved with a man on a dating site and you went to visit him. Even when your child’s father found out, you still went back to be the man.

Now you are raising the matter about the women that your child’s father was involved with while you were separated. You have two issues to deal with, therefore; he is bisexual and he has had unprotected sex with women.

The thing that is keeping you two together is your love for his money. You say you love him but I believe you love his money more.

This man knows that the primary reason why you went abroad and spent time with the older man was for money.

Make up your mind about what you really want to do. Your child’s father cannot trust you, and that is why he constantly mentions that you cheated.

Plus, you find it difficult to deal with his bisexuality. So, both of you may wish indeed to go to see a family counsellor. I wish you well.

Pastor.