Bi­sex­ual baby­fa­ther stress­ing me out

The Star (Jamaica) - - Front Page -

Dear Pas­tor,

I am 25. I met my daugh­ter’s fa­ther when we were in church. I was 18 then. Ev­ery­thing was go­ing well while we were in church. I got a good job and we started liv­ing to­gether in 2011.

I got preg­nant in 2012 and when I was eight months preg­nant, I was home alone and I was spread­ing our bed. I found a notebook un­der the bed with many pass­words and emails to web­sites that my part­ner vis­ited.

I was cu­ri­ous so I checked them out and I found out my part­ner was gay. I con­fronted him about it and he ad­mit­ted it. How­ever, I did not end the re­la­tion­ship be­cause I was preg­nant.

He told me he would stop, so we con­tin­ued liv­ing to­gether and tried to get past it. In 2014, he got a visa and started to travel.

He would go away and work and take very good care of my child. He would come home for a cou­ple of months, and then go back to work.

He went away two times for six months and I waited on him be­cause he had been pay­ing the bills and sup­port­ing my child and me. The third time he went away was last Novem­ber.

I was lonely and I begged him to stay but he did not. I went on a dat­ing site and I met some­one twice my age and I re­ally liked him.

This man, who is abroad, sent for me and I vis­ited him.

My child’s fa­ther found out about it. I told him noth­ing se­ri­ous was hap­pen­ing be­tween this man and me.

I went back to see the man over­seas re­cently. At my daugh­ter’s party af­ter that, my child’s fa­ther and I started talk­ing again. So we agreed to try and work things out.

How­ever, he con­fessed to me that he slept with few women since I left him, and he wanted us to go to coun­selling be­cause we were still in love with each other.

I found out he didn’t use con­doms with the fe­males. This makes me un­com­fort­able. He hurt me in the past and I for­gave him, but he can­not get over that I met some­one and had an af­fair with him.

Pas­tor, I love my child’s fa­ther and he would give me any­thing and he cares for me, but I be­lieve that he is ad­dicted to sex. He con­stantly brings up that I cheated with an­other man and I am telling him that he is the one I love.

My life is now so con­fus­ing as I broke it off with the man abroad. But with all that my child’s fa­ther and I have been through, I am not sure if it’s worth a try or not. It’s been seven years and he re­ally treats me well.

Does this re­la­tion­ship makes sense to try with or not? Please ad­vise me. V.J.

Dear V.J.,

This man has ad­mit­ted to you that he is bi­sex­ual, and when he ad­mit­ted it, you were preg­nant. Ev­i­dently you stayed with him be­cause you could not do bet­ter; you needed his fi­nan­cial help.

You also ad­mit­ted that he has sup­ported you and your daugh­ter very well. How­ever, you wanted more of him and he was not al­ways avail­able be­cause he was work­ing abroad.

So there­fore, you got in­volved with a man on a dat­ing site and you went to visit him. Even when your child’s fa­ther found out, you still went back to be the man.

Now you are rais­ing the mat­ter about the women that your child’s fa­ther was in­volved with while you were sep­a­rated. You have two is­sues to deal with, there­fore; he is bi­sex­ual and he has had un­pro­tected sex with women.

The thing that is keep­ing you two to­gether is your love for his money. You say you love him but I be­lieve you love his money more.

This man knows that the pri­mary rea­son why you went abroad and spent time with the older man was for money.

Make up your mind about what you re­ally want to do. Your child’s fa­ther can­not trust you, and that is why he con­stantly men­tions that you cheated.

Plus, you find it dif­fi­cult to deal with his bi­sex­u­al­ity. So, both of you may wish in­deed to go to see a fam­ily coun­sel­lor. I wish you well.

Pas­tor.

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