Tired of the phys­i­cal abuse

The Star (Jamaica) - - Front Page -

Dear Pas­tor,

Good morn­ing, sir. May God bless you. I’m a woman who has a se­ri­ous is­sue that I ur­gently need help with. I’ve been mar­ried for a year now but I’ve been with my hus­band for 15 years.

We have two small chil­dren to­gether, ages two and five. Last night we had an ar­gu­ment and he slapped me in my face. I wanted to stab him to death so badly be­cause of it, but I re­mem­bered my chil­dren.

I turned on a prayer on my phone in­stead be­cause I knew the plans of the devil. I told him that it was over be­cause he was rude and out of or­der.

I am not per­fect but I work and care for my fam­ily. I am the most faith­ful and re­spect­ful wife a man can ever have. No joke, Pas­tor. I don’t even keep male friends, just to avoid cer­tain si­t­u­a­tions.

An­other is­sue is he hates my mother be­cause she has hurt him in the past. He says he doesn’t love me as much any more be­cause I re­mind him of my mother and por­tray her be­hav­iour.

He wants me to change. I told him I haven’t changed and he must not al­low his ha­tred for her to ruin our re­la­tion­ship. Nat­u­rally, some­one will in­herit traits from their par­ents. I don’t know what to do re­gard­ing that.

Over the years, he has phys­i­cally hurt me five times. He promised me some years back that he would never to do it again, and then did so twice af­ter that. I love my hus­band but I hate him for putting me through this.

FAM­ILY ASHAMED

It has dis­graced my fam­ily and I don’t want my daugh­ter to re­mem­ber that or for it to have any im­pact on her adult life. We were also plan­ning to mi­grate.

I don’t know what to do be­cause I don’t know if my daugh­ter can live without him, and I fear that if he does it again in the fu­ture, I will kill him.

Please help me. He says he needs coun­selling. I love my fam­ily and we are usu­ally happy and lov­ing, but how can I get past this?

I feel so hurt and dis­ap­pointed be­cause I know I de­serve bet­ter than this and he should know bet­ter than to lay his hands on me.

P.G.

Dear P.G.,

Some men, when they abuse their women and the women threaten to leave them, they are quick to say that they will go for coun­selling, and that the women should give them time.

This is just an ex­cuse to have the women pity them and agree to stay with them. I be­lieve women should leave. While apart they should pur­sue the coun­selling ses­sions.

They should not agree to stay in the house be­cause some­times when the dust is set­tled, the men may not agree to go to the ses­sions. Some men may go for the first or sec­ond ses­sions and then quit, and then shortly af­ter they beat the women again.

For ex­am­ple, this man promised you that he would not touch you af­ter he had beaten you on three oc­ca­sions. But he has done so two times af­ter. He takes you as a joker. He does not take any­thing you say se­ri­ously, and you are still there with him.

You do not want him to leave, so with all due re­spect, if you don’t pack up and move out, he is go­ing to con­tinue to bat­ter you.

You are con­cerned about your daugh­ter, and you should. But when your daugh­ter sees her fa­ther phys­i­cally abus­ing you, it will have a dev­as­tat­ing ef­fect on her.

It will be bet­ter for her to know that you left her fa­ther be­cause of his abuse. She would be able to deal with that much bet­ter.

I am not say­ing you should not go for coun­selling. I am say­ing you should not al­low him to use the coun­selling ar­range­ment to keep you quiet and to stay with him.

Pas­tor.

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