Tired of the physical abuse

Dear Pastor,

Good morning, sir. May God bless you. I’m a woman who has a serious issue that I urgently need help with. I’ve been married for a year now but I’ve been with my husband for 15 years.

We have two small children together, ages two and five. Last night we had an argument and he slapped me in my face. I wanted to stab him to death so badly because of it, but I remembered my children.

I turned on a prayer on my phone instead because I knew the plans of the devil. I told him that it was over because he was rude and out of order.

I am not perfect but I work and care for my family. I am the most faithful and respectful wife a man can ever have. No joke, Pastor. I don’t even keep male friends, just to avoid certain situations.

Another issue is he hates my mother because she has hurt him in the past. He says he doesn’t love me as much any more because I remind him of my mother and portray her behaviour.

He wants me to change. I told him I haven’t changed and he must not allow his hatred for her to ruin our relationship. Naturally, someone will inherit traits from their parents. I don’t know what to do regarding that.

Over the years, he has physically hurt me five times. He promised me some years back that he would never to do it again, and then did so twice after that. I love my husband but I hate him for putting me through this.

FAMILY ASHAMED

It has disgraced my family and I don’t want my daughter to remember that or for it to have any impact on her adult life. We were also planning to migrate.

I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if my daughter can live without him, and I fear that if he does it again in the future, I will kill him.

Please help me. He says he needs counselling. I love my family and we are usually happy and loving, but how can I get past this?

I feel so hurt and disappointed because I know I deserve better than this and he should know better than to lay his hands on me.

P.G.

Dear P.G.,

Some men, when they abuse their women and the women threaten to leave them, they are quick to say that they will go for counselling, and that the women should give them time.

This is just an excuse to have the women pity them and agree to stay with them. I believe women should leave. While apart they should pursue the counselling sessions.

They should not agree to stay in the house because sometimes when the dust is settled, the men may not agree to go to the sessions. Some men may go for the first or second sessions and then quit, and then shortly after they beat the women again.

For example, this man promised you that he would not touch you after he had beaten you on three occasions. But he has done so two times after. He takes you as a joker. He does not take anything you say seriously, and you are still there with him.

You do not want him to leave, so with all due respect, if you don’t pack up and move out, he is going to continue to batter you.

You are concerned about your daughter, and you should. But when your daughter sees her father physically abusing you, it will have a devastating effect on her.

It will be better for her to know that you left her father because of his abuse. She would be able to deal with that much better.

I am not saying you should not go for counselling. I am saying you should not allow him to use the counselling arrangement to keep you quiet and to stay with him.

Pastor.