My fiancé left because he was not satisfied

Dear Pastor,

I am 31, and I am a Christian. Two years ago, I got married to a man who I thought was a good man. I would say that he is a good charmer. He swept me off my feet by making promises, and I believed him.

I was trying to build a house, and my brother was assisting me. I only had to find the material.

When this man met me, he became very nice to my brother, and my brother encouraged me to marry him.

He lives abroad. He sent money to help me buy material. He was in my skin to have sex with him before we got married. The last time I had sex was with my previous boyfriend when I was 22.

Soon after that, I became a Christian, and that boyfriend and I broke up. I did not have sex again. But I used to help myself by masturbating.

So when this man kept asking me for sex, I told him no and told him that we should wait until we were married. He got annoyed. He accused me of wanting him to buy ‘puss inna bag’.

The night before he left to go back to the US, we slept together, and I could beat myself because I don’t know how he got me to agree to have sex with him.

When we were finished, I asked him if he was sorry for forcing me to have sex with him, and he said no.

Then he asked me why my vagina was so

‘loose’ if I had not been having sex. He said that I must have a boyfriend. I was very upset with him for what he said to me.

He went away, and after not hearing from him for a whole week, I called him, and he said he did not think that he could go through with the marriage because I had not been honest with him.

TRUST ISSUES

But then he called again and said that we could go through with the marriage.

My mother told me what to do about the slackness of my vagina, and it seems as if it worked because after my husband and I got married and we had sex, he did not complain.

But every time he came to me, I remember how he insulted me the first time we had sex.

I told my brother that I didn’t want my husband to give us any money to build my house because I didn’t trust him. My brother told me that if he sent the money, we should take it.

Sometimes I don’t know who to talk to apart from my mother because my husband has turned me off totally.

What do you think about what I have done? My husband should be here soon, and I am not looking forward to his visit.

B.

Dear B.,

Your man insisted that he wanted both of you to engage in sexual intercourse before marriage, and when he finally persuaded you to do it, he wasn’t nice about it at all. He made a rude comment.

Instead of being nice to you, he insulted you by saying that you were not such a good woman after all because he found your vagina to be very loose, and that was because you were either having multiple partners or having sex regularly.

What an insult! He was not kind neither did he show any respect for you.

One wonders if this man was seeking a way out of the friendship because after going to bed with you and returning to the US, you did not hear from him for more than a week, and it was you who had to call.

It is unfortunate that you did not end the relationship with him when he said he was thinking of doing so. He started to behave like a bully, and you should have known by that time that he was not the right man for you.

You should not have married him. An intelligent man would have known that a girl does not have to be sexually active and have sex regularly to not be as ‘tight’ as he expected.

I am not going to tell you to refuse his offer to help you to build your house. Your brother is right – accept the money.

However, if you are not happy in the relationship, tell this man that whenever he comes to Jamaica, both of you should make an appointment to go to see a family counsellor.

You feel greatly hurt, and this man should be told that he was wrong in accusing you of having another man in your life or of having multiple sexual partners.

Pastor.