My husband requested ‘fresh meat’

Dear Pastor,

I am ashamed to be writing about this problem but I have to, because I don’t know who to turn to. I am married for three years but I was living with my man for two years before we got married. When we started to live together we would have sex three or four times a week. He was never tired of me.

My mother and I speak like sisters so I used to tell her everything about how this man was treating me. My mother used to tell me to make sure I take care of him in bed and don’t let him stray. After we got married, my husband slowed down and sometimes when we were in bed I had to poke him in the side to tell him I needed him.

One night my husband said he was so tired he wanted to sleep. While he was sleeping I made sure that I caused him to get an erection and went on top of him. He woke up and then we had good sex. The next day while we were at the dining table, I asked my husband why is it that he is punishing me these days for sex, and he said that he was not punishing me; he was just tired.

I asked him if he found somebody else and he said no, but it would help if I would introduce him to one of my girlfriends because she would be fresh meat. Right away I suspected that my husband was cheating on me with a younger woman. He said he could swear on the Bible that he is not cheating and he was sorry for saying that I should introduce one of my friends to him.

I love this man. Both of us are working. He is seven years older than I am but he does not look his age. We do not have children together although we are trying. But my husband has two boys and they are very loving and respectful to me. I told him I would take the boys if the mother would give them up, but my husband said they are not my children so we should try to have two children of our own.

He and the children’s mother are still very close. Sometimes I wonder if something is going on between them.

When I hear them talking and laughing on the phone I get jealous. And sometimes before he stops talking to her he calls me to say hi to her. He said the reason the relationship between the children’s mother and himself broke down and he did not marry her was because she did not like his mother; and she made disparaging remarks about his mother. And a man’s wife should respect his mother. When he talked to her about what she said about his mother, she told him she did not care how he felt. That was enough for him not to marry her.

Initial Withheld.

Dear Writer,

I have always told

women that they should never say negative things about the mothers of their boyfriends or husbands. Men do not appreciate that at all. And some women say that mothers-in-law are too nosy and controlling. Some even describe their men as Mama’s boys. But what some women don’t realise is that it is not wise to call a man ‘Mama’s boy’ because he shows great love and respect for his mother’s opinion. What is wrong is when men do not make any decision at all without consulting their mothers. And to them their mothers’ opinion supersedes that of their wives.

Concerning the matter about sex with your husband, it is natural when a man meets a woman and starts to cohabit, it may be done regularly. But after a while the sex may not be as regular as before. That is why some couples may have sex every night or two times in one night. But if the man is older he will slow down much faster and the sex might become infrequent and his wife may interpret that to mean that he is seeing someone else when that is not necessarily true.

Your husband told you when you demanded sex that he was tired. You should have accepted that and give him time to rest. What I am trying to tell you is that you should use common sense. He should not have said to you that if you provide one of your girlfriends, it would help his sex life. Because in saying that to you, you could have understood that to mean that sex with you has become stale. Therefore, he wanted somebody who was new and vibrant. I know you felt hurt by what he said.

You have a good husband and when you all have any disagreement you should just discuss it and move on. You are trying to have a child together; it may still happen. It’s good that you and his two boys get along very well. Don’t be jealous because your husband has a good relationship with his children’s mother. He chose you over her but he has to talk to her about his children. Talking to her does not mean that he still goes to bed with her.

Pastor.