Can’t satisfy my younger spouse

Dear Pastor,

I am 67 years old, and I am having a problem. I was married, but my wife died. Both of us were living in the US, but we have a house in Jamaica. Our children are doing well.

They are concerned about me. Since my wife died, I have been spending plenty of time in Jamaica. My wife had a very good friend, and I have got to love her, and she told me that even when my wife was alive, she was in love with me.

I was very surprised because she did not give me that impression.

Pastor, this relationship grew. She is 50 and has never been married. She told me that she did not need anything from me except love. We got married.

I told her that I could give her two acres of land, and she could sell that and help to take care of herself if I died before her.

Pastor, this woman is like a young girl in bed, and now I find myself not coping. I have been drinking green juices and everything people say men should drink if they want to do a ‘fairly good job’.

I have even gone to the doctor. I talked to one doctor, and all he did was laugh, but he also gave me some tablets.

My wife is taking her time with me, but I know she is frustrated. One night when I could not manage, she hissed her teeth, and I had to tell her that I was sorry for disappointing her. I am wondering now if she would cheat. I am also wondering if I did the right thing by marrying a woman who is about 20 years younger than I am.

Apart from my inability to take care of this woman in bed, I have no physical illness. I am strong, and I do my exercises every day. What suggestion do you have?

H.D.

Dear H.D.,

What I suggest that you should do is that you should find a sex therapist. In fact, I will send you the name of a specialist. You may contact him and discuss the matter with him.

I do not get the impression from your letter that you are totally incapable of performing in bed. Perhaps you are suffering from occasional impotence or you believe that you are not doing enough. So without doubt, you need some professional help. Please bear in mind that a man who is in good health should be able to function sexually into his 80s. A sex therapist would tell you the different ways a man can satisfy his spouse. Be careful what you drink. There are many women and men who are blending things and selling them.

I cannot recommend anything for you to drink because I am not a doctor. Even the doctor who laughed, I am sure, did not do so to mock you.

Perhaps, the way you explained your problem to him was so funny that it caused him to laugh. Don’t be worried because you are much older than this woman.

Many relationships similar to yours have succeeded. There is a particular woman who calls me on the Dear Pastor Show regularly, and she told me that her husband was ‘active’ until he was 88 years old. You are far from that age, so don’t give up.

Pastor