My mom never cared for her children

Dear Pastor,

Good day to you. I never thought I would write to you but I have always read the stories in THE STAR online. Your responses are very reasonable.

I have some issues of my own but first I’d like to say that most of these women are so unfair to these men. Some are meeting these gentlemen and don’t know who they are.

I am not saying that all men are saints, but the stories I’ve read show that this world is in very serious trouble where relationships are concerned.

First, I was physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally abused when I was young. I grew up with both parents; they were married. My mother, the abuser, was a Christian.

She would leave us for every event that took place for every church all over Jamaica. She left her girls to the elements of abuse by our tenants and neighbours.

It was very hard for us girls growing up. When we told her she didn’t believe us or she would use it against us. I tried killing myself at one point but I would never try that again.

Pastor, I’ve been through a lot. I tried getting counselling but whenever I called a number for the counsellor, I was told that I would have to wait a long time to speak to the counsellor, until I had to hang up. So that never happened. Now I’m grown and I have a child whom I love dearly. I am now a Christian. I tried talking to counsellors in my church but they always told me to pray about it. There are things that need to come out of me before they destroy me. I used to cry a lot but even when I’m hurt now, the tears won’t come.

I think I’m slowly going into depression. I’m in my 40s and I feel ugly and unattractive. I hardly smile. Only my child brings happiness in my life.

It is always my desire to get married. I’m a good person but I don’t see that happening. I would also like to have another child but only when I’m married. The single men at my church are younger than me and sometimes I feel like I will never get married. It causes me pain at times because it gets so lonely. I don’t feel comfortable praying for a husband, so I always pray for marriages because the devil seeks to destroy what God says is honourable. I seek a response soon.

V.M.

Dear V.M.,

It is good to hear from a woman who is willing to say good things about men. I congratulate you because so often women write and bash men, even when the men don’t deserve it. But you write as a reasonable woman. You consider your mother an abuser because she did not play the role of a good mother. She felt that she had to be involved in everything that was taking place in the churches and she neglected the bigger role that she should have played, and that was motherhood. She did not protect her girls from the vipers who were evil men and were waiting for the opportunity to sexually abuse and ravish you and others while your mother was at church ‘praising the Lord’. She thought she was doing something good. But what you will always remember is the sexual abuse that you suffered and the lack of love from your mother. It is unfortunate that no one helped you.

You have tried to help yourself but you never had a counsellor who would take time to help you. On the other hand, perhaps the persons you talked to in your church were not trained counsellors and they did not know to whom to refer you. Not all pastors are family counsellors. Counselling is a special ministry and one should be specially trained to handle that type of work. It is not too late for you to receive professional help. I will do my best to help you. You can contact me at (876) 929-1667 or (876)877-1009.

Pastor