Pastor says it’s a sin to marry a divorcee

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am a regular reader of your column. You are an inspiration to many. Although I have never met you, I enjoy reading your column.

My mother and I talked about your column when I was growing up, and when I graduated from high school and wanted to go to teachers’ college, I didn’t have the money. I was reading one of your columns and I decided to take the suggestion you made to the writer. I tried my luck and I got through. Thank you very much.

I got myself into trouble by falling in love with a man who was married but is divorced. To make matters worse, I am now pregnant for him. This man is 40 years old. I know I should not have got involved with him but he was such a loving man. I can call him a charmer. When I first met him, he told me he was 35 years old, but after getting to know more about him, he confessed that he lied about his age. By that time the relationship had gone too far and

Dear A.L,

I am glad that you have been reading my column from the time you were in high school. Some parents insist that their children read my column. I am also happy that you were able to go to college and that you have met a man who loves you. However, both of you are faced with a real challenge. Both of you, as a result of your carelessness, engaged in unprotected sex and you have become pregnant. Your minister told you that he would not officiate at your wedding, and he

I could not back out. He has his own home and he treats me well, but I

gave you his reasons why he would not. Some ministers believe and teach that when two people get married, they should never seek to be separated or, as we say, divorce each other, regardless of what the circumstances may be. And there are scripture verses that they use to support their arguments. I am sure your minister quoted some of these verses to you. So I will not mention these verses here.

What I must say is that this man should not have lied to you about his age. I am not sure, even responding to your letter, that it’s never wanted to marry a divorced man. I spoke to my pastor about the matter. My pastor told me that he would not officiate at the wedding because if I marry this man, I would be living in sin for the rest of my life and he cannot encourage me to do so. I did not, however, tell the pastor that I was pregnant, because what he would do is read me out as a member of the church.

My mother told me that she would go and speak to our pastor but I am afraid that if she does so, he would tell the whole congregation my business. So I want to ask you whether you would be willing to do our wedding. Please don’t turn us down. I could have aborted this pregnancy but I chose not to do so because this is my first child. I want to get married before my belly starts to show. My expected husband has three children, all girls, so I am hoping to give him a boy.

A.L.

the only lie he told you. However, as I see it, divorce means an end to a marriage, and if a person is divorced, he or she is free to remarry. Anybody who wants to discuss this matter further with me can call my office. Remember, let it be known that when people are thinking of remarrying, they should seek to find out as much as they can about their new spouse. Because people may come into a new relationship with baggage and they don’t always speak the truth.

Pastor